La mia vita, o qualcosa gradisce quella
.............. finora
Friday, October 13, 2006
revenge of the labyrinth...
I'm as nauseous as if I'm in a crazy roller coaster ride. And those who REALLY knew me know just how much I LOATHE roller coasters. You could just imagine how much I'm hating everything that has been happening...
I've been realizing a lot of things lately... in between hectic shedules, cancelling appointments, replacing it with new ones, needing to be at two places at one time, multi-tasking, and all those shit, life still finds a vulnerable time to remind me of... things. Reality keeps on biting me no matter how much "reality-repellant" I apply. After eons of successfully avoiding "extraneous variables," its finaly starting to gain on me and I really don't know how much longer I could avoid or push it further away.
I feel like I'm holding a severly knotted ball of yarn in my hand, and after procrasting, I am now FORCED to slowly try to unravel the knots, one by one... I'm not really sure if I'm ready for it, but it is slowly untangling.
I remember telling a friend last night that I tend to avoid anything and everything that would cause an imbalance to the ego, pushing those "things" down my sub or unconscious in order to protect the stability of the self. Very Freudian huh, yeah, well I like psychoanalysis. Anyway, the only downfall of this defense mechanism is that these "things" may still manifests itself in dreams, overall health, emotions... In short, its kinda self-destructive. Especially the kind that I employ. I am well aware of that fact. Unfortunately, my regular programs become terminated and an emergency program overrides everything whenever a virus invades the system. Its an automatic thing. I usually don't even notice that its happening until, well, its almost finished installing itself. For most people, walls are erected. For me, I usually tend to have selective amnesia. Weird, but true. No matter how hard I try to recall the details, whenever an experience receives an XXXXX rating, I usually find myself unable to remember most of it.
This is my labyrinth stage. Why labyrinth?? Well, a labyrinth is often confused with a maze. I choose to believe modern scholars who describe a maze as a tour puzzle in the form of a complex branching passage, with choices of paths and directions, while a single-path ("unicursal") labyrinth has only a single, Eulerian path to the center. A labyrinth has an unambiguous route to the centre and back, and it is not designed to be difficult to navigate. Translation: My current life and whatever is happening right now has a clear path to and from the core. I am trapped somewhere inside. (A labyrinth was believed to be a trap for malevolent spirits. Meaning I'm malevolent??? Hahha, maybe...) Now I'm not sure if I want to or should take the route out or go deeper into... whatever. Damn...
OUCH, reality just bit me. And it hurts.
I've been realizing a lot of things lately... in between hectic shedules, cancelling appointments, replacing it with new ones, needing to be at two places at one time, multi-tasking, and all those shit, life still finds a vulnerable time to remind me of... things. Reality keeps on biting me no matter how much "reality-repellant" I apply. After eons of successfully avoiding "extraneous variables," its finaly starting to gain on me and I really don't know how much longer I could avoid or push it further away.
I feel like I'm holding a severly knotted ball of yarn in my hand, and after procrasting, I am now FORCED to slowly try to unravel the knots, one by one... I'm not really sure if I'm ready for it, but it is slowly untangling.
I remember telling a friend last night that I tend to avoid anything and everything that would cause an imbalance to the ego, pushing those "things" down my sub or unconscious in order to protect the stability of the self. Very Freudian huh, yeah, well I like psychoanalysis. Anyway, the only downfall of this defense mechanism is that these "things" may still manifests itself in dreams, overall health, emotions... In short, its kinda self-destructive. Especially the kind that I employ. I am well aware of that fact. Unfortunately, my regular programs become terminated and an emergency program overrides everything whenever a virus invades the system. Its an automatic thing. I usually don't even notice that its happening until, well, its almost finished installing itself. For most people, walls are erected. For me, I usually tend to have selective amnesia. Weird, but true. No matter how hard I try to recall the details, whenever an experience receives an XXXXX rating, I usually find myself unable to remember most of it.
This is my labyrinth stage. Why labyrinth?? Well, a labyrinth is often confused with a maze. I choose to believe modern scholars who describe a maze as a tour puzzle in the form of a complex branching passage, with choices of paths and directions, while a single-path ("unicursal") labyrinth has only a single, Eulerian path to the center. A labyrinth has an unambiguous route to the centre and back, and it is not designed to be difficult to navigate. Translation: My current life and whatever is happening right now has a clear path to and from the core. I am trapped somewhere inside. (A labyrinth was believed to be a trap for malevolent spirits. Meaning I'm malevolent??? Hahha, maybe...) Now I'm not sure if I want to or should take the route out or go deeper into... whatever. Damn...
OUCH, reality just bit me. And it hurts.
2 Comments:
weenks said...
haaay...for me girl, REALITY SUCKS! di ba?
Anonymous said...
lagyan mo ng caladryl :)
Reloj
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