ASPECS: Ang Karanasan ni M******* sa PNPA
ASPECS? What is it ba? It’s the Association of Peer Counselors, a nationwide organization of Peer Counselors coming from different schools all over the Philippines. And since UST is one of the founding members of ASPECS, and it would be ASPECS first anniversary, plus the induction of its officers, the presence of UST peers at this event was crucial.
It was July 25, me and three other peers were to meet in front of the UST Hospital by 4:30am (imagine that!) before going to Megamall, where the PNPA bus and all other counselors were to gather prior to leaving at 5am. But somebody should have told me that there were two gates at the UST Hospital! I ended up waiting at the other gate, while my other two friends waited at the other. (Note: Yep, I was the one waiting at the other gate and I was also alone. We were the only PFs nice and friendly enough to attend the activity. The others simply refused to go. It was my mistake to tell M******* to wait at the hospital IN TAGALOG! I should have known better than forget the fact that she doesn't speak fluent Tagalog. She was even attending that Special Filipino class for foreigners. Geez. We were both in a hurry when we talked about it so it was something I overlooked that time, hahaha) I had to leave by 5:3am hoping my friends were waiting for me at the mall. But……. Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!! …….. they are not there. I sort of panicked because I didn’t know anybody except for Captain P****** (and only by face) and Ate A*** and R**** (UST alumni). So there I was, sitting alone in the middle of the bus, wondering what happened to my two friends when S***** T******* from UP Manila approached me (Thank God!). From that time on we were inseparable.
When we got to PNPA, we had breakfast and then watched the cadets do their drills. (There’s just something about men in uniform that makes them so interesting.) At noon we had our lunch, and I had several attempts to talk to them (the cadets), because they sat up really straight (gosh are they cute!) and they kinda thrill me. Social night started, there were song and dance numbers, the induction of ASPECTS officers, and the boring part of it all – dancing! Why? “ didn’t dance much because ballroom dancing was called for, and too bad… I can’t dance with the cadets (what for? To show them my secret moves?). Usually, lights-out would be at around 10pm but this time it was extended till midnight – but it was really fun, that for some it extended till 3am the next morning. I was one of the few who stayed that late, and what fun it is!
We were woken up at 6am, and during breakfast all the cadets were making fun of my eyebags. We had mass, and soon after had the pictures taken, and exchange of phone numbers. (Note: When I saw the pictures, I almost KILLED my friend because my "ex" was there!!! I freaked out when I saw him and I really had to fight the urge to strangle M******* for not understanding my instructions to meet me at the OPD, sheesh!)
I got to meet a lot of people, all of different and unique personalities. I also learned a lot about the life of the cadets, and their need for sucha counseling group, like what we have here. As I was going home, I thought of the friendships I’ve made and the smiles I’ve encountered, wishing next time would be even better to have more UST peers experience the magic of being a peer counselor.
So what is the significance of this article to my aim of writing about my friend? Weeelllll, during this activity, she actually met someone, who later on became her "cadet," as I call him. I never got to meet the guy before they became an item, but I knew that he was a cadet from PMA and also a millennium bug. Even when they were "on," I only got to see the guy around 2 or 3 times, I don't even think he remembers me.
I don't really remember much about their love affair. I only remember, in vivid clarity, how happy and excited my friend would be everytime she received those &%$#@#$% Corps magazines, other PMA mementos and letters from the guy. As in she would haul the whole package, no matter how big or heavy it is just to show it to me (I'm her Ma'am by KG standards so.... Hahahahah! Go figure. :-p) and my other friend (who was, at that time, also interested with a guy from the same class) and to whoever else would be interested to hear her stories. Funny thing is that the guy asked her for "friends" to introduce to his "mistahs" who have been bugging him, so she gave him a list with names and addresses (Yes, she asked for permission from these victims), mine unfortunately included. This list, I later found out from the person who wrote me, got shredded from the amok that occured when the guy showed the list to his classmates and the piece with my name on it allegedly landed on his (forgot the person's name, sorry) desk. (Yeah my name was the last on the list because she had to bug me to give her my address. She can really be a bulldog at times :-D That guy only wrote to me and my friend once, if I remember correctly, we scared him intentionally, as in we made it appear as if we were some sort of weirdos, hahahaha!) So you see, there was a time when the PMA luvbug actually bit some UST girls because of my friends’ involvement with a cadet.
After the bliss and excitement of new love has gone, the reality of the situation eventually hit both of them. A lot of times I would see my friend looking so forlorn and staring at nothingness while hanging out at my office (Peer Nook) and most of those times I would feel helpless because there was nothing I could do about it. She would leave me notes at our logbook, asking where I am because she needs to talk to me about something. (We came from different sections and our schedules are always reversed, so meeting up was really hard). Up to now I'm still not sure if their story was really that erratic or if they are just two weird people in a weird relationship. Probably it was both.
That relationship ended with a bad note. The guy ended it through a really weird missive which reached M******* as she was on her way to class….. I was surprised when a classmate told me that M******* was looking for me. I knew they had a class that time so it was odd to see her in our classroom. As I approached her, I noted her paler than usual face (I mean she has really white skin, thus her comment that I’m “so dark!” thus I should refrain from wearing red, but this time her face was really bare of any color.) I didn’t know what to do that time since our professor was coming and her class was also about to start. Suffice to say, we met that evening and had a “crying session.” I guess we both felt better afterwards. I’ll be posting the actual letter. Yes, I have it. I edited out their names though, just to be fair to those involved, since this happened so long ago.
(Yeah, I wanted to bring out my red ballpen after reading this. Was he sick and delirious when he wrote this?????? Anyway....)After this whole letter fiasco, we attended the 100 Nights Show (for Masikhay'99) at Teatro Aguinaldo, and I felt as if I was watching a really tragic love story. After the show, I dragged her and K******* to the backstage to say goodbye to some people (out of courtesy unfortunately, PR and all) and I didn't know that the guy was there. It turned out that he was an usher but we didn't see him because we were already inside the theatre hours before the show started. Anyway, as I was exchanging small talk with Captain P****** and the other Guidance Counselors, a UST alumna approached M*******, who was standing beside me and told her that the guy wanted to talk to her. (The whole time, I was starting to wonder why we were surrounded by at least 10 cadets, 5 directly behind us, while the others were spread-out in strategic positions, to prevent escape. The other people there were also watching so I'd be stupid not to notice it. Moreso, whenever we make any move to leave, they kept on blocking our way. I was starting to give these people nasty looks but to no avail, it turns out that the guy asked them to do it.) Only then did I realize why K******* was trying to drag me out of there. I saw A****** standing around 5 meters away from where we were. I think M******* saw him the same time I did because she walked out. Yes, with at least 30 pairs of eyes following her, she walked out and pushed away the people who were blocking her escape. She literally ran away to prevent any confrontation with the guy. People started calling out to her but she ignored all of them and kept on running away. I just stood there, dumbstruck, watching everybody, as the whole drama unfolded. K******* suddenly sprang into action, running after our devastated friend. I saw the cadets looking at A******, silently asking if they should run after her or not. I saw him slowly shake his head. The UST alumna kept on asking me what happened. I guess she was also surprised by my friends’ reaction. I kinda turned mean and asked if it’s not obvious, then said goodbye to the startled audience and left to follow my friends. I saw them huddled near Aguinaldo’s statue, near Gate 1. M******* was crying her heart out while K*** was sitting beside her, looking as helpless as we all felt. Would you believe I don’t remember how we all got home that night??? All I remember was the agony of seeing my friend cry until she was ready to throw up and knowing I can’t do anything to ease her pain.
Anyway, they both tried to make that relationship work, I guess. But it was not meant to have a happy ending. Years later, I found out that the guy already got married. My friend is still single, but is currently in a relationship.
Geez, luckily my friend is not aware of what has been happening to me, otherwise she will strangle me. Either that or she would not be able to get over the fact that I still fell into the trap that I was so opposed to. I mean yeah, she knows that I’m crazy enough, but not stufeeeeed......
Unfortunately girl, I AM.
ASPECS was also the reason why I became "invloved" in the &%$#@#% military world. I don't know if I should be thankful or not. I met some great people, some not so good. But anyway, it's all in the past. And this is another story. :-D
I remember reading this during my stint as a counselor at SSC. I honestly cannot remember why it made so much sense to me that time, but I guess it would be because of some "emotional disturbance..." hehehe, anyway, here it is:
Excerpt from "North to the Orient" (Anne Morrow Lindbergh)
For sayonara, literally, translated is "Since it must be so." Of all the goodbyes I have heard, it is the most beautiful. Unlike the Auf Wieder Sehens and Au Revoirs, it does not try to cheat itself by any bravado of "Till we meet again" and sedative to postpone the pain of separation. It does not evade the issue like the sturdy, blinking "Farewell." Farewell is a father's goodbye. It is - "Go out in the world and do well, my son." It is encouragement and admonition. It is hope and faith. But it passes over the significance of the moment; of parting it says nothing. It hides its emotion. It says too little. While "Goodbye" (God be with you) and Adios say too much. They try to bridge the distance, almost deny it. Goodbye is a prayer, a ringing cry. "You must not go - I cannot bear to have you go! But you shall not go alone, unwatched. God will be with you. God's hand will be over you" and even - underneath, hidden, but it is there, incorrigible - "I will be with you, I will watch over you always." It is a mother's goodbye.
But sayonara says neither too much nor too little. It is a simple acceptance of fact. All understanding of life lies in its limits. All emotion, smoldering, is banked up behind it. But it says nothing. It is really the unspoken goodbye, the presure of a hand, "Sayonara."
Yep, as usual I stayed home during the Holy Week break. I went into a sleep/reading-induced coma for three days before launching into my room clean up drive.
Geez, I threw away lots of papers and things that I should have gotten rid of ages ago but could not due to sentimental reasons. However, there are still some that I cannot bear to part with. Maybe next year... Anyway, I came across some stuff that I'll be sharing for the next couple of days. Some weird, some nice, but most of them made me see a part of myself that is no longer there.
It's nice to look back and see how much everything has changed. Read on!
