chachy 101

It's Complicated...

2009-03-22T02:57:00.006+08:00

"Nilecturan ko kasi si ****"

"Bakit? Ano problema nya?"

"Eh di yung boylet nya."

"Ay, bakit? Ano ba nangyari?"

"Kasi nga .................................."

*Natawa*

"Eh pano tayo. Ano tawag sa tin."

"Ha? Ewan. Ikaw, ano ba sa'yo. It's complicated? Hahaha, friendster ito."

"Hahaha. Eh pano kung married."

"..............." *Silence*

"Hahaha. Natakot oh."

"Sira."

"Hahaha."

"Baby ka pa no, ano ka naman."

"Baby ka diyan, ....................................."

"Tange, eh ano nga ba tayo."

"Ewan ko sa'yo, basta ako ........."

"......................" *Hinga malalim"

"Ano nga ba kita."

"Eh di ........"

"Eh ano mo ko?"

"Eh di ...... Ano ka ba. Nagtatanga-tangahan ka na naman, kainis."

"Hahaha, sira. Kelan pa."

"Eh di ngayon."

---------- H U W A T T T T T T T T T ----------

Miss Independent

2008-12-13T02:04:00.004+08:00

Yeah, yeah yeah,
Yeah, yeah yeah,
Yeah, yeah yeah yeah.

Ooh, it's somethin’ about,
Just somethin’ about the way she move,
I can’t figure it out,
It's somethin’ about her,
(Say) Ooh, it's somethin’ about,
Kinda woman that want you but don’t need you,
(Hey) I can’t figure it out,
It's somethin’ about her.

‘Cause she walk like a boss,
Talk like a boss,
Manicure nails just set the pedicure off,
She’s fly effortlessly, (effortlessly)
An’ she move like a boss,
Do what a boss,
Do, she got me thinkin’ about gettin’ involved, (involved)
That’s the kinda girl I need, oh.

She got her own thing,
That’s why I love her,
Miss independent,
Won’t you come and spend a little time,
She got her own thing,
That’s why I love her,
Miss independent,
Ooh, the way we shine,
Miss independent, yeah.

Yeah, yeah yeah,
Yeah, yeah yeah,
Yeah, yeah yeah yeah. (ohh)

Ooh, there’s somethin’ about,
Kinda woman that can do it for herself,
I look at her and it makes me proud,
There’s somethin’ about her,
Somethin’, ooh, so sexy about,
Kinda woman that don’t even need my help,
She said she got it, she got it, (she said she got it, she got it)
No doubt, there’s something about her. (there’s somethin’ about her)

‘Cause she work like a boss,
Play like a boss,
Car and a crib she ’bout to pay ‘em both off, (both off)
And her bills are payed on time, yeah,
She made for a boss,
Solely boss,
Anythin’ less she tellin’ them to get lost, (get lost)
That’s the girl that’s on my mind.

**Thanks for the info Twinkee, hehehe. For sure lang, song to ni ehem para sa kin. LOL :)

The Ghost of December Past

2008-12-08T01:06:00.002+08:00

I'm sick.

Funny na kung funny, but I can't help but remember December of 2004 when I met ehem, at a 2-week seminar. I was also sick then and the dates (now and then) strangely coincide. Paranoid huh. LOL

I just hope this doesn't mean I have to see the person again...

decisions 2008

2008-12-05T02:40:00.002+08:00

I can't help but wonder how long and how much I have to pay for good decisions that have gone awry all of a sudden. Out of control and I'm totally at its mercy. Sigh...

in a nutshell..

2008-10-24T00:40:00.004+08:00

Peeps in the "room" know me as CHASEAN. Now, I'm using plain CHA. A friend commented, CHA without SEAN, both in nick and in real life. I find it ironic, but, funny. LOL. I'm sicko, I KNOW. :-D

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My plan to go to Oz next year is on hold. Sigh. I wanna see a wallabyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!! :'(

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As of 30 June 2008, I'm officially out of government service so puhleez stop bothering me with questions relevant to the job.

I've been waiting for the official papers indicating my release from any connections with OP, a.k.a. clearance for almost 4 months now. Sheesh. How dreadfully.......... dismal.

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Yah, I will be re-opening FROSTBYTE this November. The former owner could go to hell for what happened (not mention all the money I lost) coz of her stupidity. So for those wondering wtf I've been doing with my life, feel free to drop by. You can even use my wifi connection for free. Just bring your own food. LOL

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I have 6 (six) new monster puppies born 10 October 2008. Three boys and three girls. I will be posting their pics when my cam comes home. ;-)

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At the height of the "warshock" issue in the AFP, I was a bit surprised to learn that my former supervisors (college practicum, take note) at V. Luna Hospital (a.k.a. AFP Hospital) Ward 23-24 are still there. Sheesh. Talk about being stuck in a rut.

In connection, I kinda thought of sharing the psychotrauma intervention program (which happens to be specifically made for war related trauma) I prepared for my thesis with them. But then again, maybe not. Anyway, leave a message for any reactions.

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To the peeps who "mis-sent" messages, stop it. Its lame and it only succeeds in irritating me. If you want to talk to me, just do it. Duh.

And by the way, I don't entertain peeps looking for "textmates." How pathetic. In the middle of a global economic meltdown, don't waste hard-earned money just to talk to me using a fabricated identity. Sheesh, save your money and buy a life.

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By the way, contact me thru my 0915 number, until further notice.

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Yah I know, I've become verrrrrry mean. Just to those made me that in the first place. And no I'm not losing sleep over it.

Duh...

2008-09-01T02:42:00.002+08:00

MY HUSBAND'S WOMAN...

Talagang kailangan kaibigang iznneyk ang kwento nito????

Nakakapagdilim ng paningin!!!

Duh!!!!

>.<

2008-07-23T01:00:00.006+08:00

" Ok baby.

Leaving now.

Take care. Bbye.

:-)"

WTF...

I wish I knew why I'm so upset...

Beer nga jan ate!! Yung malamig! Pakibilis! Pakihabol na lang yung tokwa! *_*

raket!

2008-07-07T17:11:00.001+08:00

Ano ba ang tawag sa bagay na kumikita pero abonado ka pa rin??? Hahahahaha! Ewan.... Raket ata dapat. Hahahaahahha!

liar, liar, pants on fire! :)

2008-06-04T03:16:00.009+08:00

Recently, I received some news about a person from my past which really made me pause. I will not reveal what that news is or the name of the person, for the sake of our previous "friendship", not to mention to save that person's sorry ass from being exposed, in case the info is true.

Anyway, why am I rambling about it? Because that person is a big LIAR. It's as simple as that. Sometimes I actually hope the info is just a misunderstanding, or that I heard it wrong or something, but the person who "updated" me had absolutely NO reason to fabricate such a big whopper about him.

Now why am I calling the person a LIAR? Because I specifically asked about that "issue" and that person denied it. A straight-faced liar. For what reason, I have NO idea. NO IDEA AT ALL. Probably that person thought I was not worthy of the truth or something. WHATEVER!

To the other person who "middled", aka, "gumitna" (hahahahah), I'm sorry but I can't resist GLOATING over what happened to you. I want to thank you though for taking that person off my hands. I hope it was worth the bother.

Do you still put the blame on me coz i "left you all alone"? Duh. You're older than I am, why should you expect ME to make decisions for you. I hate to say this but YOU DESERVE IT. I warned you about that, but did you listen? NO. At the back of your mind, I know you were thinking that I'm just jealous and want to keep that person for myself. Don't even bother denying that coz its written all over your face when I talk about it. I also KNOW that it gave your ego a big boost to have the person I could only dream of (that time) running after you. Don't bother denying that either. I'm not blind and I'm not dumb.You, of all people, should know that.

Kawawa ka naman. Stuck with #4. Anyway, #4 deserves #4, right? Bwahahahaha! *evil laugh* I moved on to #1. If you're interested to see who caught me just when I was drowning, feel free to contact me. I'm sure, di na ako itatapon nito for you this time.

Kung mabasa nyo ito, the hell I care. Magalit kayo kung gusto nyo magalit. Si Chachy bandida pa rin naman ang masama kahit wala akong gawin, so might as well gumawa ng masama to deserve the title. Kulang pa nga ito. Nananahimik ako, nadadamay pa rin ako sa kung ano-anong isyu. LEAVE ME ALONE! Hindi at never ako nakipagagawan, duh. Mahaba pa ang pila, maraming willing to take his place kahit sabay sabay pa sila. Ika nga ni twinkie, saksak mo sa baga mo, limliman mo pa para dumami!!!! (sensya na girl, keilangan itranslate para maintindihan, wahahahaha!!!)

I'm feeling sooooooo vindicated. A very satisfying, almost sick, sense of satisfaction.

For the charge of sinfully gloating, I plead GUILTY!

Masama na kung masama, ang bagay na kanta dito ay : BEE BUTI NGA, BEE BUTI NGA, BEE BEE BEE BEE BUTI NGA!!!!!!

Crazy 'bout you!

2008-04-26T03:37:00.003+08:00

My new love!!

CHACHY'S ID LACE COLLECTION!!

O diba, parang tindera ng ID lace, wahehehehehe!! Walang pakialamanan, basta naaliw ako!

2008-04-18T02:40:00.003+08:00

My new fur babies (3 days old)...

not yet.

2008-04-01T16:28:00.001+08:00

Nope, its not yet goodbye. But I have no idea what we are starting, again.

Anyway...

LU Sean :-* :-* :-*

is this the start of goodbye?

2008-03-30T01:00:00.003+08:00

I thought I was ready to say goodbye to him, should the time come. I even encouraged him to look for his special someone. But now that he thinks he met someone worth keeping, iba na pala talaga.

How do can I easily let go of someone and something that was there just when I needed him the most?

Nakakainis na nararamdaman ko 'to. Pero di ko talaga mapigil.

Is he trying to get rid of me? No. But I'm so afraid. Afraid of losing him to that girl whose only advantage over me is being near him..

I have him now. The question is, until when?

Will he stay if I ask him to? Should I even ask him to.

Its so tempting to be selfish and ask him to wait for me. But I've never been selfish. I want those I love to be happy, even if it means sacrificing my own happiness for them.

Di ako makatulog kakaisip. Ano nga ba talaga? Pano na nga ba 'to? Nakakainis ang sarili minsan no. Nakakainis din ang fate. Bibigyan ka ng bagay na magpapasaya sa'yo pero minsan bitin pa rin. I finally meet someone I would REALLY want to spend the rest of my life with, but the story is just too complicated at nababaliw na yata ako kakaisip ano ang dapat gawin. Hay.

At syempre, nahuli na naman ako sa balita. Yes, I really have feelings for him. $#@% diba. Why can't I choose people na hindi magiging kumplikado ang buhay ko? I have the uncanny talent of turning my life upside down. And I strike again...

Haaaaaaaaayyyyy. Gaano ba ko kasama sa past lives ko para magkaganito ako ngayon??? Now I'm really beginning to wonder...

funny! =D

2008-03-27T02:09:00.003+08:00

Sa lahat ng kaibigan kong nagmamahal sa 'kin, SALAMAT!

Sa mga nanloko sa 'kin, MGA LECHE! MAY ARAW RIN KAYO!!!

Sa mga nagpakilig sa 'kin, SA UULITIN HA! GALINGAN NYO PA!!

Sa mga nanira sa 'kin, SIGE LANG PARA SIKAT!!

Sa mga nagpaiyak sa 'kin, SUS, KUNYARI LANG YUN. ARTISTA AKO NO!

Sa mga taong nakainuman ko, TAGAY PA!

Sa mga taong minahal ko, aba, SWERTE NYO!

Sa mga tropa kong mahal ako, MAHAL KO RIN KAYO!!

At syempre, sa taong mamahalin ako, ANONG PETSA NA! DARATING KA PA BA??!?

** Salamat sa nag-forward sa kin nito. Panalo! Heheehehe!

sometimes..

2008-01-20T22:45:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I still miss him.

Sometimes I still miss her.

Sometimes I still miss them.

Sometimes I still miss what we were.

Sometimes I still miss where we were.

Sometimes I still miss who we were.

But most of the time, I miss who I was before....

And that's worse.

Huh??!?

2007-12-18T19:49:00.000+08:00

"... di ka daw nagyaya nung kasal mo.

Kasal??

... oo, yun ang sabi nya eh!"

At san nanggaling ang isyu na yan???? Hindi ko alam. Sinabi lang yan sa 'kin! Nagulat nga din ako, ikinasal na pala ako, di man lang ako inimbita! Akalain mo yun!? Ang masasabi ko lang, if I'm married, I would be in Australia right now. :-) Hahaha!!! Ahoy mate!

I am in love.

2007-12-17T19:16:00.000+08:00

I am in love.

With someone I do not know.

Who's smile I haven't seen...

Who's eyes I haven't stared at...

Who's touch I haven't felt.

I'm in love with someone I haven't met.

But I am not afraid.

For I know in that perfect time.... that destined place...

I will be led to that person who's face I only dreamt of.

My Father's choice.

*** senti, I know. Walang pakialamanan :-)

In memoriam...

2007-11-26T16:13:00.000+08:00

Preparing the body for burial...
Wake...

;-p

Welcome!!!

2007-11-26T15:50:00.000+08:00

Meet my new baby, Cassy Kattan Von Hesse, also known as MOBY!

Born 04 January 2007, Male Siberian Husky ;-p

ang katalinuhan daw...

2007-11-16T15:56:00.000+08:00

INTELLIGENCE....

is like underwear!

You should always have it, but you need not show it off.

You should only take it off when necessary.

And if you dont have it.... IT SHOWS!

*** Ayan. Tandaan yan ng mga taong trying hard. Kahit anong effort, ang bobo ay bobo pa rin. Wag makulet!

2007-11-09T13:50:00.000+08:00

Don't Waste Your Time

Kelly Clarkson

It's over, it's over, it's over:

It seems you can't hear me
When I open my mouth you never listen
You say stay, but what does that mean
Do you think I honestly want to be reminded forever

Don't waste your time trying to fix
What I want to erase
What I need to forget
Don't waste your time on me my friend
Friend, what does that even mean
I don't want your hand
You'll only pull me down
So save your breath
Don't waste your song
On me, on me
Don't waste your time

It's not easy not answering
Every time I want to talk to you
But I can't
If you only knew the hell I put myself through
Replaying memories in my head of you and I
Every night

You're callin'
You're talkin'
You're tryin'
Tryin' to get in
But it's over, it's over, it's over
Friend

Don't waste your time trying to fix it
So save your breath, don't waste your song
On me, on me
Don't waste your time

You held me
You felt me
You left me
But it's over, it's over, it's over
You touched me
You had me
But it's over, it's over, it's over my friend

Don't waste my time

I heard this song as I was on my way to work.

My sentiments, EXACTLY.

movie marathon!

2007-10-30T20:22:00.000+08:00

For a person who completes at least 2 years without watching ANY movie on the big screen, my movie marathon last week is a really weird "event!" Imagine, I was able to see seven (7), yes, 7 movies in three days. Hah! :-)

But I really liked Stardust. It was kinda cute. Or did I just like it because the lead actor Charlie Cox reminds me of someone else ;-) Hahaha! :-)

Well whatever... This is my new crush!

Yup, he REALLY looks like this guy.... especially with the long hair ;-p hmmm, though based on my research, S is a bit taller and minus the facial hair, hehehe :-) yummy guy huh ;-p bwahahahaha!!! I know!

fwendship

2007-09-27T17:01:00.000+08:00

I've been neglecting this blog for quite some time now. Pure laziness, believe me. I have started at least 5 blogs for the past couple of weeks but I'm just too lazy to finish them.

Anyway, I went out with Ate and Twinks last night. I haven't seen Ate since we were classmates in a 2-week course December of 2004.

Nope, I'm not going to elaborate on the things we discussed. As I was on my way home (at 12am, hehehe), I was feeling quite thankful that even if I lost some people whom I thought were my friends, there are other people out there who still think I'm pretty special. Secondly, I'm feeling quite justified. At least, even if some people didn't even try to understand how I feel, other people do.

Sometimes, you find out who your real friends are and who you can trust more in the weirdest and most unexpected ways.

Yes. Friendship IS a two-way street.

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YOU.

It's you who entered a one-way street and assumed it was two-way.

With the entire flow of traffic going your way, I'm wondering why you never knew. You even had the gall to point fingers at other people. Why don't you ask yourself if the brand of friendship you know is really two-way.

Maybe you're just not sure how to treat the people who unconditionally cared about you.

Or maybe....

.................... you're just plain STUPID.

thanks!!

2007-08-23T13:42:00.000+08:00

I usually expect people to forget my birthday, mostly because I don't make a big fuzz out of it. Its not because its not an important day for me, but simply because I prefer to celebrate quietly. If that makes me antisocial, so be it.

To those who remembered, THANKS!!!

To those who failed to greet me, its okay. I don't mind.

But to those whom I expected to remember but didn't (especially Jon D.R.).... Grrrrrrr!!!

tan lines!

2007-07-03T13:26:00.000+08:00

Madaming nagugulumihanan kung bakit daw ako umiitim.

Gusto ko daw bang maging kakulay ni chuva chenez?

Ang sagot: Of course not!! At kahit pangarapin ko pang maging level sa kulay nya, wala akong kakayahan umitim ng ganun.

Sabi ko nga, nagpapa-tan ako ng sadya. Nainggit kasi ako sa mga nag-beach! Hehehe.

Ang pinakamalaking "contributor" sa pangyayaring ito ay ang pagpasok ko habang tirik na tirik ang haring araw. Hay naku, mas mamatamisin ko pang maging mas maitim pa sa ulikba kung mababawasan ang oras na makikita ko ang mga "unwanted entities" sa aking buhay. Mas masaya pa ng gabi sa opisina at bawas ang dami ng tao.

Sa mga karagdagang katanungan, mag-iwan na lang ng mensahe at sasagutin ko yan sa lalong madaling panahon. Hehehe...

moving on...

2007-06-08T14:34:00.000+08:00

I thought I haven't moved far from that rut. But now I know that I did. I have moved on more than I gave myself credit for. It was a startling discovery, believe me.

I still feel bad sometimes, but that's expected. I'm not in a hurry to get well anyway. I once mentioned that if it takes 10 years, then so be it. I was anticipating an extended recovery period. I guess I really got tired this time.

I'm not going back to the blackhole. Nobody can drag me down again. If they plan to stay there, go ahead. I'm not going to join the party. I'm happier now. My life is stress-free.

God is indeed good. I can now see the sun shining thru the dark clouds that has been hovering above me for so long. Yes, the storm clouds are starting to go away...

Thanks, S.T.

darling...

2007-05-29T19:58:00.000+08:00

"..... okay lang yan Dar!" **smile, sabay wink**

POOOOFFFFFF!!! **biglang gising** (Whew! Ang sama namang panaginip nun!! At bakittttttt siya???????)

"EEEEW, don't call me darling! ... reminds me of someone else."

"... forget him. I'm your new darling."

Yes. I DO have a new life of my own. The old one has gone, and the new one is in residence. I'm no longer the same person I was a year ago. Whether its good or bad, I'm not really sure. Sometimes I like the new me better, sometimes I don't. But what can I do, the experiences I've had and people I've met have taught me to be the the person I am now.

I recently told a friend that I have almost forgotten how good the warm, fussy feeling was... Almost, but not quite. And yes, I do yearn to feel it again. And I hope, for the right person this time.

The past is not that far. Do not make me forget it. Yet. I will decide when to stop. Don't make MY decisions for me. That IS my right. I'm sick and tired of being pushed too far. I don't like being trapped. And i hate it when people make me feel as if my emotions were illicit or lewd, and that I should keep it to myself.

I do not want to dwell on this topic right now. But before I finish, will someone PLEASE tell me what the **** is the difference of my tears and that of other people????????????????????????? I have absolutely no idea why people make ME stop crying when I do, as if I had no right to do it, when the same people would see ANOTHER PERSON as "kawawa" when the person cries.

Yeah right. Fine. So sue me.

wazzup!

2007-05-14T02:43:00.000+08:00

Haven't had ample time to update my blog lately. Anyway, here is a brief update on what I've been up to lately...

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Went to the Mall of Asia with balik-bayan friends Rosie and Janna.

How weird can MOA get? Its too big that you need to consult a damned map wherever you go but they don't have any available copy of it. (A friend of mine went there this weekend and they are still not sure when it will be available, how pathetic.) You have to either ask the SM personnel (which is not advisable believe me, I got as many directions as the number of persons I asked); go to the doors where a map and the directory is, or; ask the information desk (which is the most reliable place to ask for directions to begin with). I still don't understand why people go there, geez. Anyway, my belief that Filipinos are still sooooo un-cosmopolitant was strengthened the way people kept on staring at Janna. Sabi ko nga, "manyak talaga ang mga Pilipino." Swear! (Personals: Nice seeing you again Rosiegirl :-D)

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I went to Laguna with some members of my Mandarin class. Pleeeeese don't ask me where we went because I have no idea. I THINK it was Pansol. (hahaha, sana alam ko diba :-D) I would rather spend the night inside the room but our classmates were adamant that we should all be at the "activity area" so, fine, Walang Tulugannnnnn!!!!!

We (the civie girls) left at around 4+am because some of the girls had more pressing appointments. Got some nice early morning pictures. a bit blurry, but still nice :-)

************************************************************************************************************************************** I caught some "pasaway" staff of local politicians putting-up campaign posters at our neighbors wall. Hope this candidate doesn't win!

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Oh yeah, I was trapped inside the bathroom at Michelle's house. As in I was inside for around 15 minutes. I only went there to give her my gift and BAM! I was jailed. :-) Hahaha. We had to forcibly remove the doorknob. Geez. How embarassing :-)

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I've been in touch with old, old friends lately. I've been realizing things that I would deal with later. When I have the luxury of time to ponder upon them to my heart's content. Anyway, BACK TO WORK!! :-)

parable of the perfect heart

2007-05-10T17:38:00.000+08:00

One day a young man was standing in the middle of the town, proclaiming that he had the most beautiful heart in the whole valley.

A large crowd gathered and they all admired his heart for it was perfect. There was not a flaw on it. Yes, they all agreed it truly was the most beautiful heart they had ever seen. The young man was very proud and boasted more loudly about his beautiful heart.

Suddenly, an old man appeared at the front of the crowd and said, "Why, your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine." The crowd and the young man looked at the old man's heart. It was beating strongly, but full of scars, it had places where pieces had been removed and other pieces had been removed and other pieces put in, but they didn't fit quite right and there were several jagged edges.

In fact, in some places there were deep gouges where whole pieces were missing. The people stared. How can he say his heart is more beautiful?, they thought.

The young man looked at the old man's heart and saw its state and laughed. "You must be joking," he said. "Compare your heart with mine, mine is perfect and yours is a mess of scars and tears."

"Yes," said the old man. "Yours is perfect looking but I would never trade with yours."

"You see, every scar represents a person whom I have given my heart. I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them, and often they give me a piece of their hearts which fits into the empty place in my heart but because the pieces aren't exact, I have some rough edges, which I cherish, because they remind me of the love we shared."

"Sometimes, I have given pieces of my heart away, and the other person hasn't return a piece of his heart to me. These are the empty gouges -- giving love is taking a chance. Although these gouges are painful, they stay open, reminding me of the love I have for these people too, and I hope someday they may return and fill the space I have waiting. So now do you see what true beauty is?"

The young man stood silently with tears running down his cheeks. He walked up to the old man, reached into his perfect heart, and ripped a piece out. He offered it to the old man with trembling hands. The old man took his offering, placed it in his heart and then took a piece from his old scarred heart and placed it in the wound in the young man's heart.

The young man looked at his heart, not perfect anymore but more beautiful than ever, since love from the old man's heart flowed into his. They embraced and walked away side by side. HOw sad it must be to go through life with a whole heart.

I read this story around 7 years ago. Someone even told me its too morbid for her. Well duh, I love this story. Hope whoever reads this story appreciates it as much as I did. It made me wonder how many tears and empty gouges my own heart has. Well, I know It has at least three, tears or gouges? Hmmm.... that's for me to know.

aspecs...

2007-04-15T13:51:00.000+08:00

During my cleaning spree, I came across an old, old, old copy of "The Loony Bin," a newsletter published by the Psychological Society, back in 1998 I guess (I was in 3rd year then). One of the articles there was written by a good friend of mine (medyo sabog but not bad, hehe :-p) and it was about her experiences when she went to one ASPECS activity at PNPA. I just got tempted to write about her, without mentioning her name of course. Hahaha, she will actually kill me if she reads this, PEACE GIRL! :-) Anyway, here is the article:

ASPECS: Ang Karanasan ni M******* sa PNPA

ASPECS? What is it ba? It’s the Association of Peer Counselors, a nationwide organization of Peer Counselors coming from different schools all over the Philippines. And since UST is one of the founding members of ASPECS, and it would be ASPECS first anniversary, plus the induction of its officers, the presence of UST peers at this event was crucial.

It was July 25, me and three other peers were to meet in front of the UST Hospital by 4:30am (imagine that!) before going to Megamall, where the PNPA bus and all other counselors were to gather prior to leaving at 5am. But somebody should have told me that there were two gates at the UST Hospital! I ended up waiting at the other gate, while my other two friends waited at the other. (Note: Yep, I was the one waiting at the other gate and I was also alone. We were the only PFs nice and friendly enough to attend the activity. The others simply refused to go. It was my mistake to tell M******* to wait at the hospital IN TAGALOG! I should have known better than forget the fact that she doesn't speak fluent Tagalog. She was even attending that Special Filipino class for foreigners. Geez. We were both in a hurry when we talked about it so it was something I overlooked that time, hahaha) I had to leave by 5:3am hoping my friends were waiting for me at the mall. But……. Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!! …….. they are not there. I sort of panicked because I didn’t know anybody except for Captain P****** (and only by face) and Ate A*** and R**** (UST alumni). So there I was, sitting alone in the middle of the bus, wondering what happened to my two friends when S***** T******* from UP Manila approached me (Thank God!). From that time on we were inseparable.

When we got to PNPA, we had breakfast and then watched the cadets do their drills. (There’s just something about men in uniform that makes them so interesting.) At noon we had our lunch, and I had several attempts to talk to them (the cadets), because they sat up really straight (gosh are they cute!) and they kinda thrill me. Social night started, there were song and dance numbers, the induction of ASPECTS officers, and the boring part of it all – dancing! Why? “ didn’t dance much because ballroom dancing was called for, and too bad… I can’t dance with the cadets (what for? To show them my secret moves?). Usually, lights-out would be at around 10pm but this time it was extended till midnight – but it was really fun, that for some it extended till 3am the next morning. I was one of the few who stayed that late, and what fun it is!

We were woken up at 6am, and during breakfast all the cadets were making fun of my eyebags. We had mass, and soon after had the pictures taken, and exchange of phone numbers. (Note: When I saw the pictures, I almost KILLED my friend because my "ex" was there!!! I freaked out when I saw him and I really had to fight the urge to strangle M******* for not understanding my instructions to meet me at the OPD, sheesh!)

I got to meet a lot of people, all of different and unique personalities. I also learned a lot about the life of the cadets, and their need for sucha counseling group, like what we have here. As I was going home, I thought of the friendships I’ve made and the smiles I’ve encountered, wishing next time would be even better to have more UST peers experience the magic of being a peer counselor.

So what is the significance of this article to my aim of writing about my friend? Weeelllll, during this activity, she actually met someone, who later on became her "cadet," as I call him. I never got to meet the guy before they became an item, but I knew that he was a cadet from PMA and also a millennium bug. Even when they were "on," I only got to see the guy around 2 or 3 times, I don't even think he remembers me.

I don't really remember much about their love affair. I only remember, in vivid clarity, how happy and excited my friend would be everytime she received those &%$#@#$% Corps magazines, other PMA mementos and letters from the guy. As in she would haul the whole package, no matter how big or heavy it is just to show it to me (I'm her Ma'am by KG standards so.... Hahahahah! Go figure. :-p) and my other friend (who was, at that time, also interested with a guy from the same class) and to whoever else would be interested to hear her stories. Funny thing is that the guy asked her for "friends" to introduce to his "mistahs" who have been bugging him, so she gave him a list with names and addresses (Yes, she asked for permission from these victims), mine unfortunately included. This list, I later found out from the person who wrote me, got shredded from the amok that occured when the guy showed the list to his classmates and the piece with my name on it allegedly landed on his (forgot the person's name, sorry) desk. (Yeah my name was the last on the list because she had to bug me to give her my address. She can really be a bulldog at times :-D That guy only wrote to me and my friend once, if I remember correctly, we scared him intentionally, as in we made it appear as if we were some sort of weirdos, hahahaha!) So you see, there was a time when the PMA luvbug actually bit some UST girls because of my friends’ involvement with a cadet.

After the bliss and excitement of new love has gone, the reality of the situation eventually hit both of them. A lot of times I would see my friend looking so forlorn and staring at nothingness while hanging out at my office (Peer Nook) and most of those times I would feel helpless because there was nothing I could do about it. She would leave me notes at our logbook, asking where I am because she needs to talk to me about something. (We came from different sections and our schedules are always reversed, so meeting up was really hard). Up to now I'm still not sure if their story was really that erratic or if they are just two weird people in a weird relationship. Probably it was both.

That relationship ended with a bad note. The guy ended it through a really weird missive which reached M******* as she was on her way to class….. I was surprised when a classmate told me that M******* was looking for me. I knew they had a class that time so it was odd to see her in our classroom. As I approached her, I noted her paler than usual face (I mean she has really white skin, thus her comment that I’m “so dark!” thus I should refrain from wearing red, but this time her face was really bare of any color.) I didn’t know what to do that time since our professor was coming and her class was also about to start. Suffice to say, we met that evening and had a “crying session.” I guess we both felt better afterwards. I’ll be posting the actual letter. Yes, I have it. I edited out their names though, just to be fair to those involved, since this happened so long ago.

(Yeah, I wanted to bring out my red ballpen after reading this. Was he sick and delirious when he wrote this?????? Anyway....)

After this whole letter fiasco, we attended the 100 Nights Show (for Masikhay'99) at Teatro Aguinaldo, and I felt as if I was watching a really tragic love story. After the show, I dragged her and K******* to the backstage to say goodbye to some people (out of courtesy unfortunately, PR and all) and I didn't know that the guy was there. It turned out that he was an usher but we didn't see him because we were already inside the theatre hours before the show started. Anyway, as I was exchanging small talk with Captain P****** and the other Guidance Counselors, a UST alumna approached M*******, who was standing beside me and told her that the guy wanted to talk to her. (The whole time, I was starting to wonder why we were surrounded by at least 10 cadets, 5 directly behind us, while the others were spread-out in strategic positions, to prevent escape. The other people there were also watching so I'd be stupid not to notice it. Moreso, whenever we make any move to leave, they kept on blocking our way. I was starting to give these people nasty looks but to no avail, it turns out that the guy asked them to do it.) Only then did I realize why K******* was trying to drag me out of there. I saw A****** standing around 5 meters away from where we were. I think M******* saw him the same time I did because she walked out. Yes, with at least 30 pairs of eyes following her, she walked out and pushed away the people who were blocking her escape. She literally ran away to prevent any confrontation with the guy. People started calling out to her but she ignored all of them and kept on running away. I just stood there, dumbstruck, watching everybody, as the whole drama unfolded. K******* suddenly sprang into action, running after our devastated friend. I saw the cadets looking at A******, silently asking if they should run after her or not. I saw him slowly shake his head. The UST alumna kept on asking me what happened. I guess she was also surprised by my friends’ reaction. I kinda turned mean and asked if it’s not obvious, then said goodbye to the startled audience and left to follow my friends. I saw them huddled near Aguinaldo’s statue, near Gate 1. M******* was crying her heart out while K*** was sitting beside her, looking as helpless as we all felt. Would you believe I don’t remember how we all got home that night??? All I remember was the agony of seeing my friend cry until she was ready to throw up and knowing I can’t do anything to ease her pain.

Anyway, they both tried to make that relationship work, I guess. But it was not meant to have a happy ending. Years later, I found out that the guy already got married. My friend is still single, but is currently in a relationship.

Geez, luckily my friend is not aware of what has been happening to me, otherwise she will strangle me. Either that or she would not be able to get over the fact that I still fell into the trap that I was so opposed to. I mean yeah, she knows that I’m crazy enough, but not stufeeeeed......

Unfortunately girl, I AM.

ASPECS was also the reason why I became "invloved" in the &%$#@#% military world. I don't know if I should be thankful or not. I met some great people, some not so good. But anyway, it's all in the past. And this is another story. :-D

sayonara...

2007-04-10T21:42:00.000+08:00

I remember reading this during my stint as a counselor at SSC. I honestly cannot remember why it made so much sense to me that time, but I guess it would be because of some "emotional disturbance..." hehehe, anyway, here it is:

Excerpt from "North to the Orient" (Anne Morrow Lindbergh)

For sayonara, literally, translated is "Since it must be so." Of all the goodbyes I have heard, it is the most beautiful. Unlike the Auf Wieder Sehens and Au Revoirs, it does not try to cheat itself by any bravado of "Till we meet again" and sedative to postpone the pain of separation. It does not evade the issue like the sturdy, blinking "Farewell." Farewell is a father's goodbye. It is - "Go out in the world and do well, my son." It is encouragement and admonition. It is hope and faith. But it passes over the significance of the moment; of parting it says nothing. It hides its emotion. It says too little. While "Goodbye" (God be with you) and Adios say too much. They try to bridge the distance, almost deny it. Goodbye is a prayer, a ringing cry. "You must not go - I cannot bear to have you go! But you shall not go alone, unwatched. God will be with you. God's hand will be over you" and even - underneath, hidden, but it is there, incorrigible - "I will be with you, I will watch over you always." It is a mother's goodbye.

But sayonara says neither too much nor too little. It is a simple acceptance of fact. All understanding of life lies in its limits. All emotion, smoldering, is banked up behind it. But it says nothing. It is really the unspoken goodbye, the presure of a hand, "Sayonara."

post holy week report

2007-04-10T21:27:00.000+08:00

Yep, as usual I stayed home during the Holy Week break. I went into a sleep/reading-induced coma for three days before launching into my room clean up drive.

Geez, I threw away lots of papers and things that I should have gotten rid of ages ago but could not due to sentimental reasons. However, there are still some that I cannot bear to part with. Maybe next year... Anyway, I came across some stuff that I'll be sharing for the next couple of days. Some weird, some nice, but most of them made me see a part of myself that is no longer there.

It's nice to look back and see how much everything has changed. Read on!

habibti...

2007-03-26T12:45:00.001+08:00

Few people know this. I barely accepted it myself.

I've been in an "open relationship" for the past four years. And I've been unfair to him. I was never really serious about it, thinking he also felt the same way. Since we could not be together, with me here and him in London, it was impossible. We both agreed to see other people. However, just like the “tsinelas” theory, he kept on coming "home" to me. I on the other hand, fell in love with someone else. Someone near. Someone I could see and talk to whenever I want to.

He asked me to marry him. Yes, more than once. In his mind, he was sure that it would happen. But I never said yes. I was too afraid to take that risk. I found and gave a lot of reasons... I cannot leave the country. I don’t know him well. What if we change our minds after taking a transatlantic gamble. The list goes on and on…

I was afraid of our differences. First of all was religion. He’s a Muslim. To make matters worse, he’s not a Filipino. How different can we get, both in culture and in beliefs.

One thing he ALWAYS tells me is to try and listen to what I feel instead of following my head all the time. Those who know me are well aware that I think about EVERYTHING. I am ruled by my brain. He always says that I think too much. He was right. But I was powerless to change that fact.

I always tell him how much I envy him. For having the courage to risk everything in order to find something beautiful. Love. But I was not that brave. I wish I was.

I loved him. In my own way, I returned the affection he so openly and honestly gave me. But I know that I never gave back enough.

He already said goodbye. He was willing to let me go to find the love that I wanted. He left with a heavy heart. He envied the person who holds my heart. He was right. He came to my life first but he could never surpass the feelings I had for that person. I hurt him too much. I could never say sorry enough.

Baby,

I'm sorry.

For all the things I said and did that hurt you. For not loving you back the way you should be loved. For telling you about him.I know I will never be able to make it up to you.

You let me go, “to find the love that I was looking for and the one I never found with you.” I should be the one saying that not you. You deserve so much more that what I gave you.

I hope you will find the “love that will make you feel that you are living the best fairytale, ever.” You wanted to give that to me, but I was too blinded by the love that I had for someone else to appreciate what you were offering. I now wish the same thing for you. A girl who will love you with her whole heart and not just a part of it. Someone who will be there with you, to fulfill the wonderful dreams that you were building. You deserve the hapiness and love that you are so capable of giving away.

I’ll miss you.

a trip to national bookstore

2007-03-23T18:17:00.000+08:00

I went to National Bookstore to buy an English-Chinese dictionary for my Mandarin class. Serious huh. :-) However, as usual, I made a "side trip" and alas! I ended up buying doggie books, hahaha!!! Anyway, that's not really surprising. Here are some of them...

"Humans think we are pack animals looking for a leader. Don't fall for it! Find out how to get your humans running their lives around you!"

Hahaha, nice book. I try to imagine dogs using the methods writen in this book to "influence" their caretakers. Hahaha. How cute :-)

"A wise Dog Person once described a perfect world as one which 'every dog would have a home, and every home would have a dog.' This book celebrates that special world and the people who share it with their best friends and devoted companions."

"This gift book is sure to delight all dog lovers. Here are seventy pictorial gems from photographer John Drysdale - some cute, some humorus, some bizarre - but all showing man's best friend as lovable and loving, with a terrific sense of fun and a great deal of affection for fellow creatures."

By the way, I still haven't bought a Chinese dictionary :-D Yeah, I'm bad. But who on earth could resist those cutie doggies!!! Hahaha! :-) I actually have more new doggie books, but I'll reserve them for next time, hehehe :-) By the way, donations in the form of a Chinese-English dictionary (Mandarin Chinese please) is very much welcome!! :-) Hahahaa!!

this special day..

2007-03-15T18:52:00.000+08:00

There was a time when all I wished for was to spend this special day with you.

I had that chance. And yes, I enjoyed every minute of it. Even if I had to share you. Even if it was the begining of the end, I still treasure the smallest detail of it in my mind. That specific space in time was mine.

Now all I could do is wonder. Do you even remember me? Do you still think about me? Do you miss me, as much as I missed you?

The gap between us has become too wide. I'm not sure if the friendship is strong enough for us to be able to get through this.

My heart has become too defensive and too afraid of more pain that would come from you. I've been hurt too much. I have cried too much.

I'm not completely closing my doors, but I'm leaving the safety chain on. I'm sick and tired of being the villain all the time. For once, I'd like to think of myself too. I loved much, I forgot that I have feelings as well. I also let the other people involved forget that small fact. I won't let that happen anymore.

mosaic 3!

2007-03-07T20:31:00.000+08:00

ooops!

2007-03-05T14:30:00.000+08:00

Drama mode, extended! Harharhar!

as the time draws near...

2007-03-02T16:38:00.001+08:00

Did I ever tell you I named him Aspen?? When you gave me the paper bag with Aspen in it, I was so ecstatic. I wanted to hug you sooooo hard but I know I can't. All I could do was to sit in that damn chair and thank you. But then you said you didn't have a choice but to buy him because when you went to the store and reserve one for me, it was the last stock they had. Okay. I didn't know what you meant by THAT. Aspen is currently with a good friend. I had to ask her to keep him for a while. I couldn't bear to see him in my room. I still can't. But yes, I plan to have him back. Because he came from you.

One of the last place I have been with you. Also the first and last time we went to mass together. I asked God to give me a sign if we were meant to be connected for a lifetime (just as friends mind you). I guess He answered my prayer. We were not.

I could still imagine you sitting there. Beside me. Do you still remember what happened? She told you I was crying. I denied it. You told me to stop because we will see each other again. You even said I could stay if I really wanted to. I don't know why, but when you said that, I wanted to tell you that there won't be a next time. Guess I was right. Do you know why I cried? I was staring at Aspen that time and I suddenly felt that he was the first and last gift that I would ever receive from you. I was so sure that I was going to lose you. I couldn't explain why. Gut feeling? Intuition? Probably. It was not losing you in the romantic sense that got to me. It was losing you as a friend, because from the start, that was more important to me than any other feelings I had for you. I kept on asking why I had to lose you just when I was starting to feel as if I mattered to you. That I was also a part of your life. Yes, I was never confident of my place in your world, because you never gave me a reason to believe otherwise.

I have been pondering on whether to talk to you or just leave things as they are. Would talking to you change anything? Probably. Probably not. I would never know for sure until I do it, right?

I remember you saying that pride never made anybody happy. I guess. However, we are both too stubborn. That was one of the things we have in common. I have been asking myself if pride was the only thing stopping me. I know that it's not. I am simply avoiding saying things I shouldn't. I wanted to "sanitize" everything. However if I do, I wouldn't have anything to left to say. Except maybe what I still feel...

I'm still clueless as to what path I should take. But I know that the time to talk to you is drawing near.

I guess I'll just have to cross the bridge when I get there.

thoughts in bloom...

2007-02-28T18:13:00.001+08:00

After the parade, I went to Starbucks for some choco creme (venti!). As expected, my thoughts went wild again, and I started to ponder on some things while sipping my drink.....

As I was looking at the throng of people rushing back and forth, I suddenly felt as if I was simply a spectator. A person looking at life from the outside. Existing, but not really taking part of it. Unfortunately, this led to some pretty gloomy thoughts which later brought me to some places where I could reminisce the old days...

Let me dream... for now.

Because I know that THAT is all I would have.

panagbenga 2007!

2007-02-28T18:12:00.000+08:00

Yep, I FINALLY found the time to attend the annual flower festival aka Panagbenga in Baguio City. I found it ironic, and weird, that I go there quite often, but have never seen that event.

Here are some of my favorite pictures...

As expected, politicians "graced" the event! (And politicking was SUPPOSED to be banned, hmp!)

Session Road in Bloom....

Oddly, I saw "someone from the past" while walking around Session Road that Monday morning. Not the one I wanted to see mind you, but good enough. Luckily, the person was busy talking to someone else that time and didn't see me. Hehehe.

For your unspoken question, YES, I went there ALONE. Not bad. I actually enjoyed the solitude. I enjoyed not having to talk to anyone. I enjoyed having the time to think as much as I want, about whatever topic tickles my fancy at that moment. I enjoyed not needing to "perform" for another person. I liked being just another anonymous face. I loved the thought of not knowing more than 10 people in that crowd.

Yep, I know going there alone was weird, but what the heck, I LOVED IT!

Having time in your hand is a breeding ground for thoughts. Some pleasant, some neutral, some better left unsaid. Anyway, that's another story. :-)

Before I end this post, here is my favorite part!

Unfortunately, I was not able to take pictures of the other fur babies. Anyway, the ones I have here are my favorites, hahaha!

the love month!

2007-02-09T18:00:00.000+08:00

On the duration of the love month, allow me to go down memory lane and be sentimental/ mushy/ bitter/ romantic/ sappy for a while......

February usually spells seasonal depression for me, so bear with it. If you can't stand my mood, leave my site and come back next month!! Hahaha! :-D

mosaic kunyari ;-p (2!)

2007-02-07T19:05:00.000+08:00

amazing!

2007-01-26T12:27:00.000+08:00

We watched the "Amazing Show" last night at the former Film Theatre (nope, I didn't see any dead people, sigh) courtesy of our new boss.

Yeah, they were damn lovely. As in! :-D Haha, makes me want to be gay if I would be THAT interested in looking good.

The audience was mostly Koreans, on a tour no doubt. (I later found out that the producer of the show was Korean.) An officemate (a girl at that) was not able to resist touching the stars of the show, and made one comment. FLAWLESS!!!! And they were. :-) Makes you wonder how much they spend to maintain that look.

Anyway, if anybody is interested to watch, just let me know, I'll tell, The Boss. Hahaha. See yah there! :-)

belated words of wisdom (daw)

2007-01-25T10:39:00.000+08:00

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. (True!)

Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour. (True uli! Nakakasawa yan!)

Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. (Pag sa umpisa pa lang may mali na, itapon na yan!)

Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. (True, otherwise your happiness will be wholly dependent on him!)

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve, then heck NO, you can't "be friends." (Agree, 100%)

A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. (Hmp!!! No comment.)

Don't settle.

If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. (Hmmmm...)

Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in arelationship is YOU.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently? (Tamaan na ang guilty!)

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. (Wag pumayag maging doormat! Ouch, tinamaan ako dun ah!)

If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything.

You cannot change a man's behaviour. Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or is in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothingless. (Hay, huli na...)

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you. (Bato-bato sa langit...)

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.You should not be the one doing all the bending... compromise is a 2-way street.

You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggages... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals... look for someone complementary... not supplementary.

Dating is fun... even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes... when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.

Never move into his mother's house.

Never co-sign for a man.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.

Keep him in your radar but get to know others. (True, ipakita mo na may iba pang tao sa paligid mo para magising sa katotohanan ang mga taong feeling!)

Time...

2007-01-24T11:19:00.000+08:00

Time is...

Very slow for those who expect..

Very fast for those who are afraid..

Very long for those who regret..

Very short for those who celebrate.

But, for those who LOVE..

Time is eternity.

**** Hehehe, chowi, thought you understood :-) roughly yan yun, pero may isa pa yang ending, Time is not. Mas gusto ko lang tong nilagay ko kasi mas may impact :-)
SENTI MODE: On
Hahaha! :-D

close-up!

2007-01-23T18:09:00.000+08:00

*** First decent close-up pic. Promise! :-D

Tiempo...

2007-01-23T17:48:00.000+08:00

El tiempo es...

Muy lento para los que esperan..

Muy rápido para los que tienen miedo..

Muy largo para los que se lamentan..

Muy corto para los que festejan.

Pero, para los que aman..

El tiempo es eternidad...

¡Malo!

2007-01-23T16:24:00.000+08:00

WEÍ!

2007-01-22T15:25:00.000+08:00

SHì, I was FINALLY able to attend my Mandarin class at National Defense College of the Philippines (NDCP) or should I say "Gúo Fàng Dàxuè," in Camp Aguinaldo, last Thursday. Sheesh, I must be the youngest in class. My classmates are MNSA students and "thundercats" from various AFP offices and some girls from an affiliate DSWD office, so there, I'm in the midst of "senior citizens." Hahaha, shhhhhh. :-)

I was like 5 hours behind the lecture and I wanted to cry during the class coz I was not able to understand half of it since I was absent during the first day. I had no idea about tones and phonetics so good luck to me. (I found an online pronunciation guide so I'd have to practice with that, whew! At least.)

I wanted to polish my Spanish but I decided to stick to Mandarin, for a change. But geez, I’d choose memorizing conjugativas anytime. I miss Senor and Senora... Huhuhu :'-( It may be time consuming but it’s a whole lot easier. Swear!

Anyway, good thing about it is that we will also be taught how to write Chinese characters. Whoah! :-) Nice huh!

Anyway, 再见! For now. :-)

ruff!

2007-01-09T15:49:00.000+08:00

Meet Ruff!

Fave xmas gift ko ito for 2006. Thanx sa nagbigay!!!! :-) Cute kasi yung toy at mug ay magka-match. Subukan gamitin ng kahit sino ito, sasapukin ko!!!

ano nga ba yun??

2007-01-03T11:52:00.000+08:00

What's a Meantime Girl?

She's the one you call when you're bored because she makes you laugh.

She's the one you talk to when you're feeling down because she's willing to lend an ear and be a friend.

She's not the one you call when you need a date to your company's Christmas party, or to go dancing with on a Saturday night.

She's the one you spend time with between girlfriends, before you find "THE ONE." You know, the one who you keep around for the meantime.

She's not one of the guys, not a tomboy, but you don't look at her as a "REAL WOMAN", either.

She's not bitchy enough, moody enough, or sexy enough to be seen in that light.

She's too laid back, too easily amused by the same hings your male buddies are easily amused by.

She's too understanding, too comfortable.

She doesn't make you feel nervous or excited the way a "real woman" does.

But she's cool, and nice, and funny, and attractive enough that when you're lonely or horny, and need an intimate female companionship, she'll do just fine.

You don't have to wine and dine with her because she knows the real you already, and you don't have any facades to keep up, no pretenses to preserve.

You're not trying to get anything of substance out of her.

She's not easy, but you know that she cares about you and is attracted to you, and that she'll give you the intimacy you need.

And you know that you don't have to explain yourself or the situation, that she'll be able to cope with the fact that this isn't the beginning of a relationship or that there's any possibility that you have any romantic feelings for her.

It won't bother her that you get up in the morning, put on you pants, say goodbye, and go on a date with a woman you've been mooning over for weeks who finally agreed to go out with you.

She'll settle for a goodbye hug and a promise to call her and tell her how the date went.

She's just so cool..why can't all women be like that?

But deep down, if you really think about it (which you probably don't because to you, the situation between the two of you isn't important enough to merit any real thought), you know that it's really not fair.

You know that although she would never say it, it hurts her to know that despite all her good points, and all the fun you two have, you don't think she's good enough to spend any real time with.

Sure it's mostly her fault, because she doesn't have to give in to your needs.

She could play the hard-to-get-bitch like the rest of them do, if she really wanted to.

But you and she both know that she probably couldn't pull it off.

Maybe she's too short, or a little overweight, or has a big birthmark on her forehead, or works at Taco Bell, or just really not that type.

Whatever the reason, somehow life has given her a lot of really great qualities but has left out the ones that men really want (or think they want) in a woman.

So she remains forever the funny, steadfast companion, the secret lover, and you go on searching for your goddess who will somehow be everything you ever wanted in a woman.

You'll joke to her that she should be the best man at your wedding, and she'll laugh and make a joke about a smelly rental tux.

She doesn't captivate you with her beauty, or open doors with her smile.

Mainly, she blends in with the crowd.

She's safe.

She doesn't want to be the center of attention and turn the heads of everyone in the room.

But she wants to turn someone's head.

She wants to be special to someone, too.

We all do. She has feelings.

She has a heart.

In fact, she probably has a big heart than any woman you've ever known because she's had a front-row seat to the Mess-That-Is-Your-Life, she likes you anyway.

She obviously sees something worthwhile and redeeming in you because although you've given her nothing, absolutely no reason to still be around, she is.

Anyway, yeah, I'm a Meantime Girl.

Been one more times than I care to admit. I don't know the reason, really, and at this point, I don't even care. I just want to let every guy know whos's ever had the good fortune to have a Meantime Girl that we may be a lot of fun, but we do cry too.

And someday, we won't be around.

* dunno who wrote this. Hahhaahahahah! Funny. :-) Yeah, I WON'T stay around. Duh!

ang song, bow!

2007-01-02T15:07:00.000+08:00

Loooooove this song....

IT'S WRONG FOR ME TO STAY AND LOVE YOU

Fate led you straight to me
You came and suddenly
I was weak beyond control
I have given you my soul
My life was no longer mine

I love you more than life itself
I never loved anyone else
I've tried to stop myself so many times it hurts me

A love like ours where can it go
I must be strong 'cause now I know
It's wrong for me to stay and love you

When life won't let love grow
It has no place to show
So you tell yourself be strong
But the world tells you you're wrong
'Cause life has the final say...

I love you more than life itself
I never loved anyone else
I 've tried to stop myself so many times it hurts me

A love like ours where can it go
I must be strong 'cause now i know
It's wrong for me to stay...
WRONG for me to stay..
And love you...

- Sung by Pia Zadora and Pops Fernandez

mewi kwismas! :-D

2006-12-25T15:06:00.000+08:00

I'm on-duty on kwismas day. Its okay though. A convenient excuse not to attend something... Hahaha, juzz kidding. :-D

Anyway, MEWI KWISMAS TO ALL!!

pinoy dream academy! (belated post again, hahaha!)

2006-12-22T16:30:00.000+08:00

My jologs buddy Edison and I didn't have to wait long for our next escapade.

Here comes, the Pinoy Dream Academy Grand Dream Night!

The show was ok. Some of the numbers lacked spice though.

I was much more fun to observe the people who were there.

From the most jologs to the sosy crowd, I had a blast people watching.
Yeah, Yeng won. I wasn't surprised. A friend of mine asked who my bet was. I must admit it was not Yeng, but it was her whom I expected to win. It was almost a given. For her not to win would be... a sacrilage.

As soon as the winner was announced, Edison and I ran for the exit to escape being crashed by the exiting crowd. I wouldn't give the details on how we got out, but suffice to say, we, uhm, passed through a different exit. :-D

Anyway, we went to Oyster Boy for a "midnight snack," if it can be called such coz it was past 1am that time. What a weird combination, Pancit molo and San Mig Lights. HAR! It's a wonder our internal organs didn't protest. :-)

Got home around 3am I guess. Jannsen was waiting for me at the door. Tsk, tsk, tsk, bad mommy! :-) Hahaha :-)

What next!!!

reyna!! (rewind!)

2006-12-11T17:15:00.000+08:00

After the last day of our ArcGIS Spatial Analyst seminar, Edison and I went to SM Megamall to "unwind" (kunyari) and clear our angsts before reporting for duty the following day.

We passed by the cinema and Edison wanted to watch The Legend of Zu so, okay fine, that was what we watched. (Hmp, I wanted to watch Mee Shee *cha throws a temper tantrum* hahahha, joke :-D)

The movie was okay. I kinda like kung-fu stuff so it was fun. But for those who hate having to read subtitles, good luck :-)

After the movie, we went to AstroPlus which was just across the cinema. I was looking for any record with the song "It's wrong for me to stay and love you" by Pia Zadora. It's an 80's song from the movie Butterfly. (For those who can find one, please let me know!) However, Edison was the one who ended up buying a couple of CDs. As we were leaving the store, the girl at the baggage counter handed us tickets to the red carpet premier of Reyna. We found receiving the tickets so cute that we were not able to resist watching it.

For those who are not familiar with it, Reyna is a movie of Keanna Reeves. Hahaha, jologs mode on!!!! Yes, we actually watched it, the hell with what people would think. (Anybody who dares to make a comment???!)

It was cute seeing Eddie Garcia in the flesh. Wish all men would grow old THAT gracefully.

The funniest part of it all was that after the movie, there was REALLY a camera trained on the people leaving the theater asking for comments. YES, exactly like the ones we all see on TV where someone would be screeching "Ang cute ni Paolo!!" at the top of her lungs. Eewwwwwww, now we drew the line at that. We hid behind the shadows until luckily, the camera transferred to the other exit because the candidates of Miss Gay Philippines were making their graceful exit. (Damn, some of them were really beautiful! Kill me now! ;-p) We ran like crabs (sideways and slightly crouching) to hide from those %&@#$ cameras.

It was actually a really cute night.

As for me and my jologs movie buddy, off to our next (mis)adventure!

villa escudero :-p

2006-11-27T11:35:00.000+08:00

Wag na magtaka kung bakit may mga illegal pics sa collection na ito.... hehehe! may nagpasaway!! tapos na ang lahat nung aming nalaman!

Hope we could have some real bonding moments guys.... yung walang connection sa work please... hahaha :-) I won't post the really rated X pics here :-p hahaha!

going down memory lane...

2006-11-17T16:55:00.000+08:00

We all have our own memory lanes.

Some smooth.

Other rough.

This year has been a very rough one for me. Emotionally speaking that is. But given a choice, I would go through all of it again if it means I'll feel that feeling again..

The pages of the book of my life that encompassed the last two years will be heavily dog-eared, highlighted and well read. And yes, with a rose pressed in between its pages.

I wouldn't trade it for anything.

It was good.. Sinfully good, while it lasted.

*** Pix courtesy of my friend Joanna who is now living somewhere in Canada. I was struck by the name of the trail. How come we don't have hiking trails named memory lane here!!!!? sowee girl tinanggal kita sa pix, hahaha :-)

the tao of jannsen

2006-11-14T19:45:00.000+08:00

*** This post was inspired by my cutie baby Jannsen.
Buti pa ang dogs, wise :-p

If a person looks suspicious, steer clear of him/ her.

Get lots of sleep.

Drink plenty of water.

Take time to “nose around.”

Always look everybody in the eye.

Don’t pretend to like people you really can’t stand.

Greet your loved ones enthusiastically.

When you’re feeling down, it helps to cuddle up with the one you love most.

If you really don’t want to do something, don’t. Others can’t force you.

Appreciate quiet moments.

Have a place where you could stay and use the time alone to ponder on things.

Learn to share.

Wake loved ones with a kiss.

Let the inner baby in you come out once in a while.

Never let your spirit grow old.

Have fun.

When you’re hurting, it’s not bad to cry your heart out.

Be independent.

When a loved one feels bad, be ready to give them lots of hugs and kisses.

Never estimate the healing effect that your presence could give to others.

Be sensitive to the feelings of those around you.

Hang-out with friends.

First impressions may not last but it counts.

Dance in the rain.

Accept the fact that you can’t please everybody.

Let others know exactly how you feel.

Be loyal.

Establish close relationships.

Be patient but know when enough is enough.

*** hahahaha, if count, pooh and tigerr can have taoisms, why not my baby!!! yeah!! :-)

ang kulllliiiiiit! :-D

2006-11-13T13:53:00.000+08:00

Napansin ko lang na nauuso ang mga "personification" texts. For purely kakulitan reasons, nakatuwaan ko itong i-compile. Sa ngayon, ang mga sumusunod ang nasa aking listahan...

1. Sikat talaga ako! Pag dumaan ako, nagtitilian ang mga babae. Nagsisigawan. Nagtatalunan pa!
- DAGA

2. Hindi lahat ng maasim, may Vitamin C.
- KILIKILI

3. Don’t ever forget that there is no need to worry about forgetting things as you grow older because you’ll soon forget what you have forgotten.
- ALZHEIMER

4. Dahil matagal mo akong pinabayaan at di pinansin, ngayon, ikaw naman ang masasaktan.
- IN GROWN NAIL

5. Wag mo akong sisihin kung cold man ako dahil hindi naman ako magmamatigas kung binigyan mo lang sana ako ng konting importansya!
- KANING LAMIG

6. Alam mo, wala na akong ibang hinangad kundi ang mapalapit sa’yo, pero patuloy ang pagiwas mo.
- IPIS

7. Uy, may dengue ako.
- LAMOK

8. Hindi lahat ng green, masustansya.
- PLEMA

9. Wag magrereklamong pinaiyak kita dahil nauna mo akong sinaktan!
- SIBUYAS

10. You never know what you have ‘til you lose it and once you lose it, you can never get it back.
- SNATCHER

11. Pabigat ba ako sa’yo? Sige, iwan mo na ako...
- BACKPACK

12. Ginawa ko naman ang lahat para lumigaya ka pero hindi ka pa rin makuntento sa isa. Bakit palipat-lipat ka pa rin.
- TV

13. Pilitin mo man na alisin ako sa buhay mo, babalik at babalik pa rin ako!
- LIBAG

14. Hindi lahat ng pink, kikay!!
- MAJINBOO

15. Hindi lahat ng naninilaw, may hepa!
- THE SIMPSONS

16. Ayoko na! Bakit kapag nagmamahal ako nagagalit sila!?
- GASOLINA

17. Kung walang nagtetext sa’yo, andito naman ako. Segundo lang sasagot na ako.
- BALANCE INQUIRY

18. Ikaw kaya ang ilagay sa apoy, tingnan natin kung di ka rin sumigaw!

- TAKURE

19. Hindi ako pokpok! Bakit ba lagi mo akong binubugaw!?

- BANGAW

20. Sawa na ako sa on-off natin. Pagod na rin ako sa kakahabol sa’yo. Pwede bang steady naman tayo?

- CHRISTMAS LIGHT

21. Sawang-sawa na ako. Lagi mo na lang akong pinapaikot! Ayoko na!

- ELECTRIC FAN

22. Hindi masarap ang ketchup!

- MANG TOMAS

23. Hindi lahat ng nagparetoke, maganda ang resulta!
- MADAM AURING

24. Ang yabang mo!! pinagtatawanan mo ako samantalang dati gustong-gusto mo ako!

- NOKIA 5110

25. Hindi lahat ng nasa balon ay tubig.

- SADAKO

26. Punta ako mamaya diyan sa bahay nyo. Wag ka muna matutulog ha!

- LOTUS FEET

27. Grabe! Biruin mo, 15 thousand daw, hot oil lang! 150 thousand ang rebonding! Sobra yang David's Salon na yan!

- RAPUNZEL

28. Hindi lahat ng walang salaway, bastos!!

- WINNIE THE POOH

*** Di ko ipo-post yung iba. For General Patronage (GP) ang post na ito. :-p Salamat sa aking mga contributors. Keep 'em coming! :-)

the (mis)adventures of las tres marias

2006-10-30T11:20:00.000+08:00

Jaq (Cindi), Tere (teka, bakit nga ba wala kang name, wa wenta :-p) and I met last weekend for a "church visit." Only Tere and I were scheduled to meet, however, Jackie groveled and begged to join us so we reluctantly agreed. Hahaha, just kidding ;-) She was actually forced to come with us. (I think Tere used some guilt tactics or something.)

First stop, Quiapo church. The trip was kinda uneventful, save for Jaq's comments about the distance. (Girl, I am pretty sure that Q.I. and PCSO did NOT take a vacation nor hide when you passed E. Rod before. You simply did not notice it. :-p) We were behaving like highschool kids the whole time and by the time we alighted near the church, I think the other passengers were ready to give us a round of applause for our "performance." (In short, nag-ingay kami dun.) We had to go thru the underpass coz the doors facing Quezon Boulevard were permanently barred. (Parang jail ito.) While walking, Tere said "Ganyan yung gusto kong shorts." (referring to a girl near us) The girl heard (coz the comment was a bit loud) and gave her a slightly mean look. Of course Tere just had to react with "Nagmamaganda hindi naman kagandahan." (or something like that) Hahaha, I wanted to laugh out loud (I can't remember if I did actually, hehehe.) Being the bangag that I am, I replied, "Ay oo nga, hindi sha maganda." Shukz, how incriminating can that get :-) Jaq didn't want to enter the church in the middle of the mass so we walked around Carriedo area and was able to buy some stuff. We attended the anticipated mass at 6-something PM (with Tere enjoying the homily to the max! As in, she even had a laughing buddy... the lady sitting on the pew in front of us!). After the mass, the elderly man sitting next to me asked what my perfume was coz it was "mabango." Duh, what the hell was that. I simply told him I forgot. We then proceeded to the LRT1 Carriedo station enroute to Baclaran church.

From the LRT1 Baclaran station, we had to walk to the church, passing through the tiange of course. While walking, a suspicious man approached us and said something. I asked the girls what he said. It was something about "sweldo" and sex. Duh, what the hell again. We chose to ignore him and continued walking towards the church. We spent some quiet time there, although I had to go out to answer some calls and messages. After that, I begged them to go to Jollibee to get some refreshments because I was a bit hot that time. We had some juices while chatting about…. uhmmmm, some stuff. After that, we left in search for a Mercury Drug Store branch to buy some milk.

So we walked.

Walked.

Walked.

In fairness, we found the Mercury Drug…. Evangelista branch. In short, we walked all the way from Baclaran church to Evangelista in Makati. Or was that Malibay??? I’m not really sure. The funny part was not the fact that we walked, although that was quite funny coz we were all wearing light colored shirts and by the time we were finally on the way home, our shirts were gray. :-) But what really tickled me was that we had to pass through all those establishments which I fondly call “kalakalan ng katawan.” As in!!! There was even a man that asked us something which we all understood differently. I personally thought he said “Magte-table ba kayo??” Which got me thinking… “Mukha pa rin ba akong tibo??????????” Hahahaha. I passed time looking at the room rates posted everywhere coz there was nothing else to see. Here’s a funny incident. Before we crossed Taft Avenue, we passed a motel driveway where 4 guys were walking towards the main lobby of the establishment, I guess, on foot. Tere was too tired to think by then (siguro), when she said “Ay, papasok ng motel, apat na lalaki, sila lang” or something to that effect. To which I replied, “Tange ano ka ba, may restaurant naman, baka dun sila pupunta!” Unfortunately, the group of guys heard us. Luckily, they simply made jokes about it. Geez, that was really funny coz they were actually embarrassed. Who wouldn’t be, in that situation, anyway??? Notice that Jaq was not mentioned much in this part. Well its because she was busy thinking about something that time. :-) Hahaha. :-D Something about calling or texting someone and the feasibility of that plan. Hmmmmm…. (Are you really still feeling positive about that? I’m not. Good luck. :-D)

So anyway, we (after waiting for 50 golden years) boarded a bus after (successfully) buying milk for our baby Micah. I would probably have ridden a rickshaw by that time because I was eager to get home then. (To catch a phone call, hahahahahah)

Tere only rode with us up to Ayala. As the bus waited for more passengers, Jaq and I noticed the “odd” lady sitting in front of us. She kept standing up to look around and give people mean looks. Jaq and I exchanged meaningful glances…. Oh, OK. Disaster struck when the bus FINALLY moved. Jackie and I were talking about, uhmmm, something when the “odd” lady suddenly spat on us…. YES, sprayed us with saliva. Eventually, we couldn’t stand it anymore so we transferred to a seat near the back of the bus, well away from “spraying distance.” Don’t get me wrong, I’m a clinical psych major and I’m used to people like her, but I wasn’t in the best of moods to deal with her that moment. Moreso, we can’t exactly clean up adequately inside the bus right?! When the lady got off at SM Megamall, she gave a “farewell spit” for the benefit of those who were just about to board the bus. Jaq and I simply covered our faces with our things to escape the “liquid projectiles.”

I was finally left to my own thoughts when Jaq got off at Cuba0.

I got home at around 12+am. Luckily, I was able to get home in time to receive the call from my friend. Stayed up til 5 in the morning chatting about some “stuff.” Hahaha, anyway, that’s another story. :-D

I got home minus a bag (courtesy of Tere), minus an ID lace (si Jackie naman ang may sala nito) and damn poorer (ehem, bakit nga kaya???? *raises eyebrows*) but anyway, that was one heck of a day. :-) I wouldn’t trade it for anything. :-) It still amazes me that we didn’t get killed. Gosh, I never realized that the three of us together would be that…. ehmmm… lively. (wow, what a very mild word :-D)

Anyway, hope to do that again girls. And next time, PULLLEEEZZZ wear comfy shoes so that you won’t complain about your feet. :-p hehehe. Peace! In return, I promise not to bring my "national bookstore." Hahaha, those books were damn heavy, geez :-) Mwah!!

exhausted. (draft)

2006-10-26T11:53:00.000+08:00

What a weird week this has been.

The emotional circus was a bit too much, even for me...

In the midst of facing my own emotional ghosts, a friend asked me to say something nice in her necro service. I go like HUH!? What the ?????!?

THAT snapped me out of my trance.

I accepted some things that I so vehemently denied before. I finally came to a realization that whatever I do, simply protecting the mental image I have of a person cannot change whatever he/she did. I don't understand it, but I can't do anything about it. And yes, I also accepted that indeed, I was dupped once in my life. Thanks to my uhm, buddies, for accepting me back in the "fold" after a being "led astray" for a while there :-) I'm back guys. With a vengeance.

The heart grows tired sometimes.

But, it never gives up.

unfair...

2006-10-20T13:14:00.000+08:00

Sa dami ng oras na inilalaan ko sa pakikipagusap sa mga kaibigan sa pamamagitan ng "text" at telepono, marami na silang mga nasabing mga tanong at komento na aking binansagang "unfair." Bakit "unfair"?? Heto....

1. Minahal nya kaya ako kahit konti, o wala lang talaga yun sa kanya?

2. Kung kinalimutan na nya lahat, pati kaya yung magaganda kinalimutan nya rin?

3. Nagkamali kaya ako??

4. Pano ko ba sya kakalimutan?

5. Bakit ba hindi pa nila ko tantanan?

6. Pano ba iiwan ang taong mahal mo?

7. Bakit ba nya ko sinasaktan ng ganito??

8. Sino ba pipiliin ko?

9. Am I really punishing myself for nothing?

10. How could I move on?

11. Kelan ko ba sya makakalimutan?

12. Naiisip pa kaya nya ko kahit minsan lang??

13. Nami-miss kaya nya ko?? Kasi sya miss na miss ko na eh.

14. Pano kung hindi pala nya ko minahal?

15. Kung magkausap kaya kami ngayon, may magbabago pa?

16. Kung sineryoso ko kaya sya dati, ano kaya ang nangyari?

17. Ano bang gagawin ko!!!?

18. Pwede ko kaya syang tanungin kung minamahal nya ko?

19. Gaano ba katagal bago mawala yung sakit?

20. Pano mo sya natitiis?

Kung ikaw ang kausap at hinintay kang masagot ang mga katanungang ito, napaka-"unfair" di ba. Ano bang kinalaman mo sa sagot... May sagot nga ba in the first place.

Halata na ba, puro lablayp ang concern ng mga tao??? :-D

Marami pa ito, pero, saka na yung iba... ;-)

Ang sigurado ko lang, pag nabasa ng mga tao ito, patay ako... HAHAHAHAHA! :-)

Ouch experiences, bow.

2006-10-18T13:43:00.000+08:00

1. Letting go of a person you've just learned to love .

2. Reminiscing the good times you shared together.

3. Shielding your heart from loving somebody.

4. Trying to hide what you really feel.

5. Trying to hide the tears that involuntarily fall from your eyes.

6. Loving a person too much.

7. Giving up someone you never thought of giving up.

8. Having the right love at the wrong time.

9. Taking the risk to fall in love again.

10. Hiding your relationship from someone else.

11. Controlling your feelings to avoid hurting a friend.

12. Thinking of him/her every waking and sleeping moment knowing all the while that he/she never even thinks a single thought of you...

13. Letting go, because everytime you see the person, you only fall deeper.

14. Holding back only to find out when it's too late, you both felt the same way, but were only scared to lose each other so much that you didn't let the feelings out.

15. Falling in love with someone you didn't mean to fall in love with.

16. Finding the perfect guy/girl...with only one problem--- he/she doesn't love you...the way you want him/her to...

17. Helping the one you love "court" your friend / helping your friend "court" the one you love.

18. Seeing the one you love crying for someone else.

19. Waiting also hurts like hell.

20. Having to hear "I've met someone."

21. Agreeing to his/her wish to 'just be friends.'

22. Asking his/her freedom back bcoz 'he'd/she'd be happier with him/her.'

23. Asking you to 'forget that everything happened' and be 'normal' friends again.

24. Hearing that you're treated as a little bro/sis.

25. Sharing his/her future plans for the guy/girl with you.

26. You stopped being friends bcoz his gf/her bf asked him/her to.

27. Being denied in front of people.

28. Telling you lies where he'd/she'd been when actually, he/she was with a 'new friend' or an 'old flame.'

29. He/she told you he'd/she'd be leaving you to return to his/her ex? the one he/she left for you!

30. Breaking someone's heart.

31 .Fighting for that one thing that would make you happy that is, holding on to a person who can not guarantee you his/her commitment unless he/she fix himself/herself...then, you are left hanging for the moment...then he/she says, time will tell... but you still decided to hope and trust him/her.

32. Pretending you're OK when inside you're slowly dying...

33. Pretending to be strong.... and recognizing your weakness.

34. Lying in bed each night, thinking of that special person you can never have...

35. Being with someone you can't actually love...

36. Pretending you don't love a person whom you actually love...

37. Being in love...

38. Letting go even if you really don't want to... having no right to say you are hurting because it was your decision.

39. Seeing the person you love hurt because of you... and not being able to help that person...

40. Having the courage to say "I LOVE YOU" to the person you love and finding out afterwards that things will never be the same again when he/she doesn't treat you with the same closeness as before.

41. Having to face the fact that someone is capable of completely destroying the wall that you have set for yourself, leaving you weak and vulnerable.

42. Admitting that you love someone despite his/her imperfections.

43. Finding out that the more you try to hate him/her, the more you end up loving him/her, perhaps even more than before.

44. Realizing how stupid your mistakes were that led to your break-up.

45. The thought that this guy/girl, used to really love you and you loved him/her as well but you didn't give enough and he/she gave up on you.

46. Sharing the one you love with SOMEBODY else.....

47. Making a promise and realizing that when the time has come for that promise to be delivered, the commitment is no longer there...

48. Violating your parents' rules for that someone that you love.

49. Leaving your long-time friends because the one you love cannot accept them.

50. The hardest thing about love - believing it.

**** Thanks for the e-mail Rosie girl! :-) Nice one. Why didn't you just come here and stab me huh???? Hahaha, nevermind, mwah! :-) OUCH!!!! Yun lang ang pwede kong sabihin sa message na ito.

revenge of the labyrinth...

2006-10-13T17:35:00.000+08:00

I'm as nauseous as if I'm in a crazy roller coaster ride. And those who REALLY knew me know just how much I LOATHE roller coasters. You could just imagine how much I'm hating everything that has been happening...

I've been realizing a lot of things lately... in between hectic shedules, cancelling appointments, replacing it with new ones, needing to be at two places at one time, multi-tasking, and all those shit, life still finds a vulnerable time to remind me of... things. Reality keeps on biting me no matter how much "reality-repellant" I apply. After eons of successfully avoiding "extraneous variables," its finaly starting to gain on me and I really don't know how much longer I could avoid or push it further away.

I feel like I'm holding a severly knotted ball of yarn in my hand, and after procrasting, I am now FORCED to slowly try to unravel the knots, one by one... I'm not really sure if I'm ready for it, but it is slowly untangling.

I remember telling a friend last night that I tend to avoid anything and everything that would cause an imbalance to the ego, pushing those "things" down my sub or unconscious in order to protect the stability of the self. Very Freudian huh, yeah, well I like psychoanalysis. Anyway, the only downfall of this defense mechanism is that these "things" may still manifests itself in dreams, overall health, emotions... In short, its kinda self-destructive. Especially the kind that I employ. I am well aware of that fact. Unfortunately, my regular programs become terminated and an emergency program overrides everything whenever a virus invades the system. Its an automatic thing. I usually don't even notice that its happening until, well, its almost finished installing itself. For most people, walls are erected. For me, I usually tend to have selective amnesia. Weird, but true. No matter how hard I try to recall the details, whenever an experience receives an XXXXX rating, I usually find myself unable to remember most of it.

This is my labyrinth stage. Why labyrinth?? Well, a labyrinth is often confused with a maze. I choose to believe modern scholars who describe a maze as a tour puzzle in the form of a complex branching passage, with choices of paths and directions, while a single-path ("unicursal") labyrinth has only a single, Eulerian path to the center. A labyrinth has an unambiguous route to the centre and back, and it is not designed to be difficult to navigate. Translation: My current life and whatever is happening right now has a clear path to and from the core. I am trapped somewhere inside. (A labyrinth was believed to be a trap for malevolent spirits. Meaning I'm malevolent??? Hahha, maybe...) Now I'm not sure if I want to or should take the route out or go deeper into... whatever. Damn...

OUCH, reality just bit me. And it hurts.

ALL I NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED FROM A DOG

2006-10-04T11:36:00.000+08:00

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.

Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

When it's in hour best interest, practice obedience.

Let others know when they have invaded your territory.

Take naps and stretch before rising.

Run, romp and play daily.

Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.

Be loyal.

Never pretend to be something you are not.

If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle him or her gently.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lay under a shady tree.

When you are happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

No matter how often your scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout.

Bond with your pack.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

Wala lang, just wanted to post this, hehehe :-D

broken heart

2006-09-27T12:54:00.000+08:00

Ouch!!! :-D

dedication 1!

2006-09-26T17:53:00.000+08:00

What Do We Mean To Each Other
By
Sergio Mendez

I'd rather know if you have turn the page

If you go faster than I do

Suddenly, it's not so clear

Just what I am to you

Am I friend, am I lover

Do we still need each other?

When you touch me

Baby, I can't tell

What do we mean to each other,

Am I friend, am I lover,

Is is over now?

If this is it, then why bother?

Tell me where do we take it from here?

What do we mean to each other,

Am I friend, am I lover,

Is it over now?

Do you love me still,

Or do you just mean well?

I can see clearly how I'm hurting you

Ev'ry breath kills you away

Are we going in sep'rate roads?

Has pride got in the way?

Am I friend, am I lover

Do we still need each other?

When you hold me

Baby, I can't tell

What do we mean to each other,

Am I friend, am I lover,

Is is over now?

If this is it, then why bother?

Tell me where do we take it from here?
What do we mean to each other,

Am I friend, am I lover,

Is it over now?

Do you love me still,

Or do you just mean well...

Time became the poison working slowly on my heart

Throwing all our memories

Is it tearin' us apart?
When you touch me

When you touch me

Baby, I can't tell

What do we mean to each other,

Am I friend, am I lover,

Is is over now?

If this is it, then why bother?

Tell me where do we take it from here?
What do we mean to each other,

Am I friend, am I lover,

Is it over now?

Do you love me still,

Or do you just mean well?

What do we mean to each other,

Am I friend, am I lover,

Is it over now?

Do you love me still,

Or do you just mean well?

Ooh

Do you love me still

Or do you just mean well?

*** Dedicated to YOU!! Hahaha!! Bato-bato sa langit, ang tamaan, may bukol!! :-)

Time will ease the hurt..

2006-09-22T16:56:00.000+08:00

~ Bruce B. Wilmer ~

The sadness of the present days
Is locked and set in time,
And moving to the future
Is a slow and painful climb.
But all the feelings that are now
So vivid and so real
Can’t hold their fresh intensity
As time begins to heal.
No wound so deep will ever go
Entirely away;
Yet every hurt becomes
A little less from day to day.
Nothing else can erase the painful
Imprints on your mind;
But there are softer memories
That time will let you find.
Though your heart won’t let the sadness
Simply slide away,
The echoes will diminish
Even though the memories stay.

*** Para sa mga hindi nakakarelate pag kinukwento ko ang poem na ito. Eto na!

aniversario feliz a mí...

2006-09-21T11:06:00.000+08:00

We were together that night.
I was so excited.
I was grinning like a fool the whole day.
I could hardly wait to see you again.
It was one of the best nights of my life...

I never would have thought nor predicted that one of the most memorable days of my life would become the reason for some of my most miserable moments...

Exactly a year has passed since then... I vividly remember that day as if it only happened yesterday...

A lot of times, I prayed that it didn't happen... That I didn't have to have a hand in it.... But it did, and I had... It was not just a bad dream. It was my sad reality.

" Everything happens for a reason. "

Maybe I still don't understand the reason behind all of these. But in time, I know I will.

A lot of things changed. We could never bring back whatever was there before.

I hate to admit this, but all that's left is the taste of the bitterness between us…

If I could turn back time, would I change anything that happened? Probably. But I can't. So what's the use of hoping I could.

I realized, just now, that there's nothing to go back to. It may still change. It may not. But, that's another story. Anyway, Happy Anniversary to me.

LIFE’S LITTLE INSTRUCTION BOOK (draft)

2006-09-17T17:12:00.000+08:00

Compliment three people every day. (Hmmmm... a tough one.)

Have a dog. (True!!! Ang saya kaya ng may babies in fur coat! :-D)

Watch a sunrise at least once a year.

Remember other people’s birthdays.

Have a firm handshake.

Look people in the eye.

Say “thank you” a lot.

Say “please” a lot.

Learn to play a musical instrument. (Time to go to that violin class i guess, hehehe..)

Sing in the shower. (I do, good thing ____ didn't hear hear me, hahaha)

Be the first to say, “Hello.”

Live beneath your means.

Be forgiving of yourself and others. (I'm crossing my fingers)

Floss your teeth. (Duh, who doesn't.)

Drink champagnefor no reason at all. (Or whatever beverage for that matter.)

Teach some kind of class.

Be a student in some kind of class.

Treat everyone you meet like you want to be treated. (True!!)

Make new friends but cherish the old ones.

Keep secrets.

Don’t postpone joy.

Never give up on anybody. Miracles happen everyday. (Hmmm....)

Avoid overexposure to the sun.

Surprise loved ones with little unexpected gifts.

Admit your mistakes.

Use your wit to amuse, not abuse.

Always accept an outstretched hand.

Demand excellence and be willing to pay for it.

Be brave. Even if you’re not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference.

Learn to make something beautiful with your hands.

Never forget your anniversary.

Don’t take good health for granted.

Don’t mess with drugs, and don’t associate with those who do.

Slow dance.

Avoid sarcastic remarks.

In business and in family relationships, remember that the most important thing is trust.

Don’t smoke.

Choose your life’s mate carefully. From this one decision will come ninety percent of all your happiness or misery.

Make it a habit to do nice things for people who’ll never find out.

Lend only those books you never care to see again.

Always have something beautiful in sight, even if it’s just a daisy in a jelly glass.

Think big thoughts, but relish small pleasures.

Smile a lot. It costs nothing and is beyond price.

Don’t buy expensive wine, luggage, or watches.

Learn to listen. Opportunity sometimes knocks very softly. (Or doesn't knock at all, it just comes and goes.)

Know how to change a tire.

Know how to tie a bow tie.

Wear audacious underwear under the most solemn business attire. (Agree!)

Remember people’s names.

Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all they have.

Give yourself an hour to cool off before responding top someone who has provoked you. If it involves something really important, give yourself overnight.

Learn to handle a pistol and rifle safely.

Strive for excellence, not perfection.

Take time to smell the roses.

Pray not for things, but for wisdom and courage.

Don’t waste time responding to your critics.

Avoid negative people.

Be original.

Be neat.

Never give up on what you really want to do. The person with big dreams is more powerful than one with all the facts.

Be kinder than necessary.

Give people a second chance, but not a third.

Never take action when you’re angry.

Be romantic.

Let people know what you stand for --- and what you won’t stand for.

Don’t quit a job until you’ve lined up another.

Measure people by the size of their hearts, not the size of their bank accounts.

Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.

Have good composure. Enter a room with purpose and confidence.

Don’t forget, a person’s greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.

Don’t carry a grudge.

Show respect for all living things. Loosen up. Relax. Except for rare life-and-death matters, nothing is as important as it first seems.

Commit yourself to constant self-improvement.

Take your dog to obedience school. You’ll both learn a lot.

Don’t waste time grieving over past mistakes. Learn from them and move on.

When complimented, a sincere “thank you” is the only response is required.

Don’t plan a long evening on a blind date. A lunch date is perfect. If things don’t work out, both of you have only wasted an hour. (Geez, I should have read this ages ago...)

Be a good loser.

Be a good winner.

Think twice before burdening a friend with a secret.

Never tell anyone they look tired or depressed.

When someone hugs you, let them be the first to let go.

Keep good company.

Keep your promises.

Be willing to lose a battle in order to win the war.

Don’t be deceived by first impressions.

Seek out the good in people.

Drink eight glasses of water everyday.

Never cut what can be untied.

Learn to show cheerfulness, even when you don’t feel like it.

Take good care of those you love.

Keep it simple.

Beware of the person who has nothing to lose.

Lie on your back and look at the stars.

Leave everything a little better than you found it.

No matter how dire the situation, keep your cool.

Practice empathy. Try to see things from other people’s point of view.

Don’t burn bridges. You’ll be surprised how many times you have to cross the same river.

Don’t spread yourself too thin. Learn to say no politely and quickly. (I actually realized that I have been spreading myself thin lately and I plan to change it IMMEDIATELY.)

Accept pain and disappointment as part of life.

Remember that a successful marriage depends on two things: (1) finding the right person and (2) being the right person.

Don’t believe people when they ask you to be honest with them. (Hahaha, I hope I didn't believe those who said that in the past..)

Don’t expect life to be fair.

Judge your success by the degree that you’re enjoying peace, health and love.

Never underestimate the power of love.

Never underestimate the power of forgiveness.

Learn to disagree without being disagreeable.

Be tactful. Never alienate anyone on purpose.

Be wary of people who tell you how honest they are.

Rekindle old friendships.

Live your life as an exclamation, not an explanation.

Live your life so that your epitaph could read, “No regrets.”

Don’t be fooled. If something sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

Be bold and courageous. When you look back on your life, you’ll regret the things you didn’t do more than the ones you did.

Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.

Be there when people need you.

Be prepared to lose once in a while.

Know when to keep silent.

Know when to speak up.

Take charge of your attitude. Don’t let someone else choose it for you.

Be loyal.

Never give a loved one a gift that suggests they need improvement.

Laugh a lot. A good sense of humor cures almost all of life’s ills.

Never underestimate the power of a kind word or deed.

Look for opportunities to make people feel important.

Don’t miss the magic of the moment by focusing on what’s to come. (But not too preoccupied to forget reality...)

Never underestimate the power of words to heal and reconcile relationships.

Marry only for love. (Get that into your head Cha!!!)

Count your blessings. (And be thankful for them of course.)

morning is a long time coming

2006-09-12T14:29:00.000+08:00

I recently finished a book entitled MORNING IS A LONG TIME COMING by Bette Green. This is the sequel of Summer of My German Soldier. I noted some really nice lines that I would like to share. (weeeellll, not all of it of course. hahaha :-D )

** With people, it's not just what is given that counts. It's also how what is given is received.

** With love you reached out for somebody else. Sure, she laughed, but maybe that was only because she understood one thing you didn't: That within Iris Glazer, there is precious little worth loving.

** Tough enough to tolerate anybody's punishment. And tough enough that nobody in this world would ever be capable of destroying that which was indestructible. Indestructible. I know more about that now. The ulcer taught me that there's no such thing as indestructible. It's just another one of my Webster's International Dictionary words. The ulcer also taught me a little something about guilt. It showed me that I didn't have to feel guilty anymore, for they weren't the only ones paying a price.

** " You're easy to love." --- "I want to be... for you."

** "Without an understanding of the inherent risks, your sacrifice would be without value. "If you did not understand the inherent risks that you took in behalf of this man, then your sacrifices would be diminished."

** "Only that I could do it. That I, surprisingly actually, had the strength to do it. Also there was that view from the heights. That's when I saw --- clearly saw --- that there was more than one mountain in my life. Some could be seen and some couldn't be, but just the same, they were all out there. All out there waiting for me. But what was climbed was already climbed, and I understand now that I'll never have to chase that vision or scale that particular mountain again."

slap!

2006-09-08T18:02:00.000+08:00

I was having a typical, long-winded conversation with my chika buddy a couple of nights ago, and it suddenly hit me. I am almost okay. I may mope around sometimes... I may still cry sometimes... but I am moving on.

Geez! It's about time.

Time to go forward and simply glance at where I once was from where I am now.

Wallowing in sadness may have been a bit self-destructive at times, but I think giving my self the chance to "emote to my heart's content" satisfied my need to lament about the whole thing and simply pass through the "normal" stages of grief (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and ACCEPTANCE). Not that everybody really needs to go through it, but I think I needed to.. This time.

This goes out to YOU...

I saw an old friend of ours today.
She asked about you and I didn't quite know what to say.
Heard you've been makin' the rounds round here.
While I've been tryin' to make the tears disappear.

Now I'm almost over you.
I've almost shook these blues.
So when you come back around.
After painting the town you'll see.
That I'm almost over you.

You're such a sly one with your cold, cold heart.
For you leavin' come easy but it tore me apart.
Time heals all wounds they say and I should know.
'Cause it seems like forever but I'm lettin' you go.

Now I'm almost over you.
I've almost shook these blues.
So when you come back around.
After painting the town you'll see.
That I'm almost over you.

I can forgive you and soon I'll forget all my shattered dreams.
You took the love that you wanted and left me the misery.
Now I'm almost over you.
I've almost shook these blues.

So when you come back around.
After painting the town you'll see.
That I'm almost over you.

Ironically, that same chika buddy sent me this message:
" I cried so many times because of a love lost and a love I never really had. I suffered pain worse than dying. But feelings change and there's one lesson that everybody should learn in time. MOVE ON."

I told you. Your only enemy is yourself.

*** This goes out to my chika buddy.. PAK!

loneliness is such a poor lover....

2006-09-06T15:05:00.000+08:00

Sometimes you simply don't want to get up in the morning because it would mean leaving the tranquility of sleep and facing the harsh reality that you are not fine...

You are then forced to go through the motions of everyday but you feel as if you're just a spectator... a person viewing your life from the outside.

But how can you leave the solace loneliness provides... when venturing out of that self-made cocoon would mean letting go... letting go of whatever made you feel bad in the first place.

Hmmmm... What a nice though to ponder on...

blogthings...

2006-09-04T14:27:00.000+08:00

On a lighter note...

You Are 30% Evil

A bit of evil lurks in your heart,

but you hide it well.In some ways,

you are the most dangerous kind of evil.

You Have Your Sarcastic Moments

While you're not sarcastic at all times,

you definitely have a cynical edge.

In your opinion, not all people are annoying.

Some are dead!

And although you do have your genuine moments,

you can't help getting your zingers in.

Some people might be a little hurt by your sarcasm,

but it's more likely they think you're hilarious.

Your Inner Child Is Naughty

Like a child, you tend to discount social rules.

It's just too much fun to break the rules!

You love trouble - and it seems that trouble loves you.

And no matter what, you refuse to grow up!

Your Theme Song is Born to Be Wild by Steppenwolf

"I like smoke and lightning

Heavy metal thunder

Racin' with the wind

And the feelin' that I'm under"

A total independent spirit,

you can't be held down or fenced in.

You crave the feeling of wind on your face...

and totally freedom.

You May Be a Bit Obsessive Compulsive...

Meticulous and detailed oriented,

you have some irrational obsessions.

Maybe it's your super neat closet or washing

your hands a gazillion times.

You probably know it's weird,

but you just can't stop thinking about it.

In fact, the more you think about your quirks,

the more you have to do them.

You Are 37% Addicted to Love

Might as well face it, you're a little addicted to love.

You won't do anything for love,

but sometimes you do more than you should.

No one's worth losing your head for -

because in the end you'll only lose your heart.

Don't avoid falling in love.

Just make sure you don't get too hooked.

Your Hair Should Be Red

Passionate, fiery, and sassy.

You're a total smart aleck who's

got the biggest personality around.

You've Changed 52% in 10 Years

You've done a good job changing with the times,

but deep down, you're still the same person.

You're clothes, job, and friends may have changed some -

but it hasn't changed you.

You Are 24% Selfish

In general, you are a very giving person

who treats others very well.

But at times, you insist on getting your way -

when it matters most to you.

You Are 80% Happy

You are a very happy person.

Generally, you feel content and

that all is right with the world.

Occasionally, you have a down day -

but you have the ability to pick yourself right back up.

Your Hidden Talent

You're super sensitive and

easily able to understand situations.

You tend to solve complex problems in a flash,

without needing a lot of facts.

Decision making is easy for you.

You have killer intuition.

The right path is always clear, and

you're a bit of a visionary.

You Are 70% Weird

You're so weird, you think you're *totally* normal.

Right? But you wig out even the biggest of circus freaks!

i loved...

2006-08-29T12:52:00.000+08:00

I loved loving...

I loved being in love with him...

I loved him.

But now I have to let go.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."

I never regretted loving him. It made me happy. I shared precious memories with him. I still miss him. I will never forget him. But I would have to let go so that I could give a chance for other people to come and take the space which he occupied for a long time... because I know that as long as he's there, I would never entertain thoughts of loving another person.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."

I loved him and I won't apologize for feeling that way.

I'm just sorry he never felt it....

zero visibility

2006-08-25T13:21:00.000+08:00

I recently came from my second home, Baguio City. Its a combi vacation/escape trip for me...

Brrrrrr!!!!!!!

When winks and I first got there, we were freezing! Adjusting to the weather was kinda hard since it was a bit hot when we left Manila...

I LOOOVE FOG!!! :-D It gave some sort of mystic and gothic quality to the place....

First stop, PMA, since I had to deliver some stuff for my friend's cousin. I wanted to buy some stuff for an officemate, however, the stuff he wants are not available. (I'm still puzzled why people expected me to know where the Visitor's Center is.. duh)

Love this pix! The fog was just about to descend...

Looks like something out of a horror movie... :-p

Mines View Park...

Botanical Garden.... Come to think of it, this was the first time I went there... hahahaha!!!

Nice! I could just imagine a wedding entourage passing thru..

I celebrated b-day mass at the Baguio Cathedral...

Grotto...

Looking up. Sigh.... I remember the last time I was here...

Almost afraid to make a wish, again...

As I made my way down these steps, I hoped to leave everything behind...

As I depart, I realized that I left some things behind....

Memories.

The past.

Love.

But I did bring something home with me...

Peace of mind.

*** Other things were not visible that time... But well, that's another story...

paalala mo nga sa kin..

2006-08-24T12:59:00.000+08:00

"Paalala mo nga sa kin na mahal kita. Nakakairita ka eh!"

Malinaw pa sa isip ko ang lahat. Yan ang lagi kong sinasabi pag inis na inis ako sa kanya...

Ngayon, ang kasama ko na lang ay mga alaala..

Alaala ng mga sandali na ayaw kong kalimutan pero kailangan ng bitawan.

"Paalala mo nga sa kin na mahal kita!"

Dati, gusto kong ipaalala sa sarili ko ang nararamdaman ko para sa'yo.

Pero ngayon, sana....

"Tulungan mo naman akong kalimutan ka."

I’m sorry we quarreled…

2006-08-17T14:58:00.000+08:00

While waiting for a friend to show up, I decided to browse through Booksale to find some weird book that I could read next..... I came across this kinda beat-up book entitled "I'm sorry we quarreled" which turned out to be a compilation of quotations. I'd like to share some of my favorite quotes from the book....

…. Come now, and let us reason together. (Isiah 1:18)

… A long argument means that both parties are wrong (Voltaire)

… Quarrels would never last long if the fault was only on one side (Duc de la Rochefoucauld)

… To err is human; to forgive, divine. (Alexander Pope)

… Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity or registering wrong. (Charlotte Brontë)

… I dislike arguments of any kind. They are always vulgar, and often convincing. (Oscar Wilde)

… Though I can’t make her love me, there is great satisfaction in quarreling with her. (Richard Sheridan)

… In a false quarrel there is no true valor. (William Shakespeare)

… I never take my own side in a quarrel. (Robert Frost)

… Hearts are like flowers; they remain open to the softly falling dew, but shut up in the violent downpour of rain. (Jean Paul Richter)

… Forgiveness swells the tide of love. (Michael de Montaigne)

… The worst kind of quarrels are with oneself. (Henry David Thoreau)

… Other people’s quarrels always seem petty until you have a reason to fight about the very same thing yourself. (William Hazlitt)

… I don’t care any more if you were right. I only care. (Jensey Cooper)

… I didn’t believe you until your heart got out of hand and in the way. (Sister Clarice Kopell)

… I’m in love, I’m not listening – try again. (Oscar Wilde)

… Feel honored – I’ve never quarreled with anybody I didn’t like. (Randa Lee)

… Only dogs should quarrel – they are more forgiving than people (Fred Allen)

… Even the most sincere apology can’t take all the sting out of a quarrel – only love can. (Bessie Lorraine Boles)

… We pardon as long as we love. (Duc de la Rochefoucauld)

… Forget injuries, never forget kindnesses. (Chinese proverb)

… I would not forgive you could I but forget you. (François Rebelais)

… I see my image in your eyes dissolved in disappointed tears. (Rod McKuen)

… The head argues; the heart forgives. (Jean Jeaques Rosseau)

… I am right and you are wrong. But why do I miss you so? (William Cooper)

new bloggy!!

2006-08-16T17:36:00.000+08:00

hahaha!!

hello new blog site! :-)

things i hate about you...

2006-08-16T14:37:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: rejected

1. I hate you for being a jerk. But I still love you anyway.

2. I hate you for being sardonically charming. It just makes you more intriguing.

3. I hate you for understanding and knowing what I like. I also hate that you try to be friends with my friends even if it’s not in your nature.

4. I hate that I still “know” what’s happening to you even if we don’t talk. (Psychic connection??)

5. I hate that I think about you the moment I wake up in the morning and every night before I go to sleep.

6. I hate you for making me cry a million times for small things that even I can’t explain why it hurt me so damn much. It made me die a thousand deaths day by day by day by day….

7. I hate that you may not even think about me during my absence because you are so preoccupied thinking of someone I would never, ever have anything against.... You may even be thinking of her at this moment…

8. I hate you for not telling me things I am secretly afraid to know but still want to hear.

9. I hate it when every time I look in your eyes, I still get lost in their depths… as if it’s the very first time…

10. I hate you for making me feel like a little girl who’s in love for the very first time.

11. I hate the way my heart leaps when I first see you after long months of separation…

12. I hate that whenever we’re together, I want the moment to go on and on, and on, and on, and on…

13. I hate that when you smile at me, my brain turns to mush and forming coherent thoughts are way beyond my capabilities…

14. I hate it when I want to get back at you for all the things you did that hurt me, but when I do, I get hurt more because I know you're hurting...

15. I hate the fact that I have fallen in love with you. Don’t ask me to explain when, where, how or why because even I can’t understand it.

16. I hate it when I automatically reach out for your hand the way I used to, but when I do, I see you holding her as if you never want to let her go..

17. I hate dreading the time I would have to ride your car again, knowing I no longer hold the right to ride beside you.

18. I hate knowing I don't have the right to call you mine but I still do.

19. I hate it when I worry myself to death when you're not okay even when I know it's not me you want by your side during those times..

20. I hate dreaming we're together knowing it would never happen and that it's just a figment my hoping heart created..

21. I HATE NOT HATING YOU. NEVER COULD, NEVER WOULD.

***Inspired by "Ten things I hate about you"

naalala pa rin kita...

2006-08-16T13:51:00.000+08:00

Isa-isang ng nalalagas ang talulot ng panahon... ang dami na palang araw na nagdaan na ni hindi kita nasisilayan o nakakausap man lang..

Napanaginipan na naman kita... Naisip ko nga, siguro gusto lang kitang makasama. Kahit sandali lang. Kaya lang hindi na pwede...

Kamusta ka na kaya?

Ano kaya ang ginagawa mo habang iniisip kita?

Nasa opisina ka kaya, subsob sa trabaho?

Nakasilip ka kaya sa bintana.. nakatingin sa malayo?

Iniisip mo rin kaya ako, kahit minsan lang?

O sya lang ang laman ng puso't isipan mo?

Napansin mo kaya na matagal na kong di nagpapakita sa'yo? May pakialam ka kaya mawala man ako ng tuluyan? Hahanapin mo ba ko?

May lugar pa ba ko sa buhay mo?

Dadating kaya ang panahon na malalaman ko ang sagot sa mga tanong sa isipan ko?

** To my chika buddy..

you're in love

2005-05-13T18:06:00.000+08:00

I received this message from someone.... i was having a really bad day that time, which promted me to "focus" on a less stressing task... which is imagining how it would feel like to be "in-love...." the hell with work... (even if i was up to my neck buried in the reports that i HAVE to finish before i resign... (shhhhh...) odd that i would find inspiration to write about something so positive after wanting to pack all my things and leave my desk... my office... and never look back.....

anyway.. here it goes... the first part is the original message.. the text at the end is mine....

You Are In Love . . .

When you are with that special someone, you pretend to ignore that person. But when that special someone is not around, you look around to find them. At that moment, you are in love......

Although there is someone else who always makes you laugh,your eyes and attention still go to that special someone..... Then, you are in love.....

Although that special someone was supposed to have called you long back, to let you know of their safe arrival, your phone is quiet.... You are desperately waiting for the call! At that moment, you are in love.......

If you are more excited for one short e-mail from that special someone than long e-mails from other people, you are in love..

When you find yourself having difficulty erasing all the messages in your answering machine because of one message from that special someone, you are in love....

When you get a couple of free movie tickets, you would not hesitate to think of that special someone. Then, you are in love..

You keep telling yourself, "that special someone is just a friend", but you realize that you cannot avoid that person's special attraction. At that moment, you are in love..

(***at ang pamatay.... )

While you are reading this, if someone (**clearly) appears in your mind, then you are in love......WITH THAT PERSON.....

***** can i just add:

When find yourself saving text messages from that special person, even if it's just a simple "hi!" or "Good morning! :-)" that he/she sent eons ago... then you are in love....

.....and if you DECIDE to delete his/her messages, you find yourself writing it down, verbatim!!!! Along with the date and precise time (up to the second) it was sent.... you are in love.

All the mushy love songs that you used to loathe now makes perfect sense, and as you hear the melodies, you visualize that one special person, you are in love....

You're having a really bad day and you want to smash everything you lay your eyes upon... but with just a text from that special someone, your world goes back to its axis... then you're in love...

While walking at the mall... looking through the display windows... you smile as you see this really nice shirt or dress (**as the case may be), imagining how cute he/she would look like while wearing it.... then you're in love....

When you're together, things are not perfect but still you feel that its the right place, the right time and the right person... and you want to "crystalize the moment..." then you're in love.

Even if you insist that you are "JUST FRIENDS," there's electricity in the air when the two of you are together and the people around you FEEL it (and they wonder..)..... and the way you gaze at each other tells an entirely different story..... geeez, you ARE in love... :-)